


State Of Grace.

by darlingjongin



Category: offgun
Genre: Angst, F/M, M/M, Minor Character Death, Original Character(s), Romance, Small Towns, Smut, fall from grace, lovers to strangers
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-12-31
Updated: 2021-01-02
Packaged: 2021-03-10 16:35:11
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 21,514
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28440240
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/darlingjongin/pseuds/darlingjongin
Summary: Renowned actor and model Gun Atthaphan gets himself into a scandal with his fellow actor and on again, off again boyfriend Tay after a rowdy night out. To clear his name, his agency encourages him to step out of the spotlight for a couple of months, forcing him to return to his hometown in the country and away from the cameras. He vowed he would never return to the boring old town, but he slowly remembered what he left behind.
Relationships: Gun Atthaphan Phunsawat/Tay Tawan Vihokratana, Off Jumpol Adulkittiporn/Gun Atthaphan Phunsawat
Comments: 9
Kudos: 81





	1. Prologue

**Author's Note:**

> Based on Taylor Swift’s _‘Tis The Damn Season & Dorothea._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is a work of fiction and the characters depicted do not reflect the personalities of the real people they were based on. Please don’t take this work seriously, it’s just fan fiction.

**_Prologue; And I’ve got nothing but well wishes for you._ **

‘Wanna get outta here?’

Gun couldn’t wait to hear those words as he sneaked out of the school hall in the evening whilst the music was still playing. The smell of juice and chips could be found at the end of his sleeves where he spilt food whilst trying to escape the hellhole that was Prom.

‘Where have you been?’, he whispered to Off, clasping his sweaty hand with his as they ran down the empty corridor, the dark clouds shadowing over them as they laughed amongst themselves, singing to the muffled songs which continued to play in the hall where the rest of their friends are. The teachers were probably wondering where they left, but with hundreds of Seniors to take care of, they probably stopped caring.

‘I’ve been looking for you’, Off answered him, the pair giggling as they climbed down the stairs, their old shoes stepping over the grass on he school field. It looks much bigger in the middle of the night, intimidating than it usually is during the day, but Gun didn’t care. He took off his shoes and threw it on the side whilst he felt the cold grass beneath him.

‘Come here’, Gun called out, dragging Off with him as they began to dance, two pairs of left feet just jumping off beat to the muffled music which was barely audible now that they were far away from everyone else.

Off, much to his demise, gave in to every request Gun gave him, wrapping his arms around the smaller boy, leaning down to press his chapped lips on him as they spent their last night together.

‘Do you really have to go to Bangkok?’, Off asked once he broke the kiss, his forehead leaning softly against Gun as the latter wrapped his arms around his neck, bringing them closer until their breathes became one.

‘You know I have to get out of here’, Gun whispered back, leaving trails of kisses everywhere on Off’s cheeks, pressing his lips wherever he felt Off’s soft skin. Gun was strong, much more than Off who had been begging him to reconsider his decision ever since he made it. But even though he showed no signs of emotion, with every kiss, his heart was slowly breaking, seams ripping one by one until his chest was bleeding.

He wanted to drag Off with him – and he begged once – but the ever loving boy sitting by the window of his class wanted to stay exactly where he was. That was the difference between them. Where Gun wanted to fly Off wanted to stand.

Their summer was fast approaching, but much to Gun’s dismay, he couldn’t even get one last summer with Off Jumpol. His new life awaited for him in Bangkok when he got accepted to the best theatre academy in the country. They start next week.

‘You’ll come and visit me, right?’, Gun asked, leaning his whole weight on Off who took it all, almost carrying him as he wrapped his arms tighter around his waist. The awkwardness flowed when Gun noticed that Off hadn’t replied to him. Instead, he felt Off’s chapped lips lathering his neck in kisses. His breathing was heavy, a mixture of lust and unfulfilled expectation beating at his heart until he gained enough courage to step back and looked at Off with round sorrowful eyes, ‘Off? Are you gonna visit me?’

‘Have I ever told you that I love you?’, Off ignored him by saying those three words that Gun had only been privileged to daydream about all this year.

‘Huh?’

‘I love you Gun’, Off whispered again, but there was no smile on his face and the shine in his eyes were tears instead of happiness, ‘And I’m so glad to have loved you’

‘Loved?’

‘My life’s here’, Off said to him, the same words he kept repeating during the day and even in the middle of the night when their bodies were tangled together on the back of Off’s dad’s pickup truck, ‘And you’ve made it clear that this is the last place you ever wanna be in’

‘Look around Off’, Gun scoffed, taking a step back and glaring at the boy in front of him, ‘What has this place got to offer me?’

‘Nothing’, Off replied to him, ‘Which is why I’m not stopping you from leaving. I know you’ll find something great in a bigger city. But I can’t come with you’

‘I didn’t ask you to come with me. I asked you to visit’

‘I can’t do that’, Off shook his head, ‘Not when I know you’ll be living a new life where I don’t belong anymore’

‘You’ll always belong with me. You promised me that’

‘I hope you know that I meant it’, Off finally smiled at him, reaching his hand out to take Gun, pressing his lips against it, ‘I love you so, so much’

‘Wait’, Gun took back his hand as if he had felt something burning touch it, ‘Are you breaking up with me?’

‘A star like you wouldn’t wanna be with a tree like me’, Off chuckled, remembering the joke they once shared during maths class. Off was stabled, his roots grounded in one place where his family and friends are, whereas Gun was far from everyone else. Their group of friends laughed all week when the teacher described Off as a tree, old and rooted, yet it stayed a joke when they realised it was the truth.

‘I’m not choosing between you and the rest of my life’, Gun shook his head, his cheeks burning from anger but his throat tightening from the ache which slowly wretched itself out in forms of tears, ‘You’re part of the rest of my life’

‘I’m your high school boyfriend’, Off chuckled, although there were tears resting by the edge of his eyes too, threatening to spill, ‘Do you really think I’ll be part of your life longer than this?’

‘You promised’, those were the only words Gun managed to muster when his voice broke, his vision blurring from the tears as he took another step back. He didn’t want to hear Off’s excuse, he couldn’t bare to hear useless words when the one that meant most to him was broken into pieces, shattered across the school field with no more than the stars above as their witness. Gun shook his head, pushing Off away from him as he started to run, to run as fast and as far away.

He never liked his hometown anyway. He wanted to get out of here. And that’s what he did.


	2. Part I; you can run, but only so far

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **warning: smut**

**_Part I; You can run, but only so far_ **

**_Seven Years Later_ **

Gun felt soft kisses pressing against his thighs, an ache in his heart beating fast as he continued to trail moans of pleasures and instructions.

‘Right there’, he murmured, feeling his hot breath on his cock. The curtains were closed, blocking the sunlight from shining through to his room, ‘Mhhm’, his fingers combed through his rough hair, a melodies rhythm of hips grinding against his rough tongue.

Gun tasted blood from his own lips, biting harsh as he leaned his head back against the headboard, looking down at Tay sucking him off after returning from filming. He didn’t expect it, they had broken up a few weeks ago, but with his return to the city, he came knocking at his door and Gun had no other choice but to indulge, dragging him to his room, their cloths discarded and out of place all over the floor.

‘Don’t leave me hanging babe’, Gun whined when Tay’s actions slowed, looking down to where Tay had lifted his head up, tongue licking and pressing against his tip before he sat up, crawling on top of Gun until they were face to face.

‘How much did you miss me?’, Tay whispered, kissing his cheeks, trailing down his kisses all the way down to his neck, leaving bruises as he went.

‘Not one bit’, Gun joked, which was followed by a moan when Tay bit his chest, ‘Why? Did you miss me?’

It was weird. Gun had promised his friends he was never going to bat another eye on Tay Tawan, but he was someone he couldn’t get rid of no matter how much he tried. Maybe it’s his sweet nature or maybe it’s the way he fucks him slow and good and just with his fingers alone Gun was already writhing in pleasure.

Tay chuckled, knowing he had Gun wrapped around his fingers – quite literally – as he pressed his lubed hands deeper inside Gun, making him squirm under him.

‘You should’ve been a singer instead’, Tay joked, kissing the moans off Gun’s lips, ‘Your voice is fucking angelic’

‘Don’t tease me’, Gun rolled his eyes, ‘Just fuck me already’

It was midday but Gun’s bed was creaking, headboard banging against the wall as he wrapped his legs around Tay, feeling the taller’s cock inside him, pounding with no level of rhythmic, making him sore yet drool in pleasure at the same time.

‘Right there baby’, Gun kept whispering, Tay’s groans getting louder and louder as his climax was fast approaching, ‘Cum inside me baby’

‘Gun…’, Tay kept whispering his name, just his name and nothing else as he kissed Gun through his climax, ‘I love you baby’

* * *

‘Let me guess, Tay left that?’, Oile pointed on the hickey left on Gun’s neck. He arrived on set five minutes late – as always – sitting down on his make-up chair with his sunglasses blocking his eyes. It had become a routine to watch her best friend walking in, sometimes limping, with hickeys all over his body that she had to cover.

‘None of your business’, Gun simply replied, letting his best friend do his make up whilst he sat in silence, listening to the music from his phone.

‘More?’, Oile sighed when she tugged Gun’s shirt down, showing his other hickeys on his chest, ‘I have to cover all of these up, you idiot!’

‘No you don’t’, Gun pushed her hand away, ‘I don’t have any shirtless scenes, so it’ll be fine’

‘Are you weak for Tay or what? I thought you told me you never wanted to speak to him again’

‘Look, I was pissed that he accepted a movie in Japan, but now he’s back, so all is well’, Gun finally took off his sunglasses, smirking at his best friend who rolled her eyes and carried on putting on make up on him.

‘If you can’t give him up why don’t you just stop avoiding the question and marry him?’

‘He hasn’t asked me yet’, Gun snorted, ‘And even if he did, I’d say no’

‘Then why keep taking him back?’

‘You’d like it too if someone’s willing to come crawling back to you every time’, Gun replied nonchalantly, taking a drink from his coffee and looking at himself in the mirror. He looked the same as he did when he arrived in Bangkok seven years ago, but his skin was brighter and hair dried and rough after dying his hair for different roles. It looked like nothing had changed, but everything has.

‘So, what’re you doing for the holidays?’, Oile asked as she finished his makeup and clapped her hands, ordering the stylist to get Gun fitted into his costume.

‘Spending it with Tay as usual’, Gun replied, standing from his chair and heading to the wardrobe area, taking off his shirt and showing off his muscles and torso.

‘When was the last time you visited your family? Since the day we met I don’t ever hear you talking about them’, Oile commented. She’d been part of Gun’s team for five years now and every holiday she would book flights back to her hometown and she noticed that Gun never shared the same sentiment as her.

‘I call them every Christmas. That’s all they need from me’, Gun shrugged, indifferent about his family which was a big mystery to Oile. Even Tay haven’t met Gun’s parents yet and they’ve been going out for four years. She wanted to ask more questions, but she knew Gun well enough to know his answers would be vague – if he even bothered to answer at all. She decided to just leave it be for now, calling the director’s assistant so they can begin shooting.

Gun Atthaphan was a hot shot. He scored lucky by being part of one of the biggest drama after his graduation from the academy and since then he hadn’t stopped. His career continued to snowball until the whole industry wouldn’t live without him. Films, TV shows, endorsements, magazines and photo shoots he had them all, his name signed under every big company known in the country and even abroad. It obviously wasn’t long until the industry started to get sick of him, but no matter how hard they tried to get rid of him, his talents were too good to not use. No rookie could stand against him and even senior actors were starting to feel the heat of his talent.

* * *

‘And cut!’, the director shouted as soon as the sun began to set, ‘And that’s the last shot!’, he shouted whilst the rest of the crew clapped and cheered. It had been a gruelling four months but they had managed to finish filming with Gun taking one last scene, on the ground on the football field with fake tears running down his eyes as he watched the love of his life leave him.

‘Great job Gun’, he heard praises from the team, to which he smiled back at them, wiping his fake tears with the ends of his sleeves.

‘Well done idiot’, Oile called out to him as he left the set, walking side by side with his manager as they spoke about his next schedule, ‘Wanna grab a drink before you head home?’

‘God, yes please’, Gun sighed as soon as he heard Oile’s offer, leaning his head against her shoulder, ‘I’ve been crying for five whole takes, I think my whole face is swollen by now’

‘You know you’re still fucking pretty’, Oile joked, shoving her shoulder playfully against his as they made their way back to his dresser.

‘Gun!’

‘Woah!’, Gun, who innocently just wanted to get changed and leave work, felt his body being lifted up by a strong pair of arms, ‘Tay!’, he shouted at his boyfriend who practically rugby tackled him, lifting him over his shoulders and spinning him around, ‘Tay, put me down!’, he shouted, punching his back as he tried not to fall.

‘Are you alright baby?’, Tay greeted him, finally setting him back down on the ground as he leaned in for a kiss, making everyone on set squirm at their intimacy, ‘I heard it was your last day of filming’

‘Yeah, it is’, Gun nodded, letting Tay wrap his arms around him, the two practically glued together, ‘Oile and I are going out for a drink. Wanna come?’

‘Of course baby’, Tay pouted, leaning in and pressing his lips against Gun’s neck, ‘That’s why I came to visit you. We should celebrate your hard work’

‘God, get a room’, Oile rolled her eyes, quickening her pace as she went ahead of them, grabbing her bag from the dressing room.

‘Baby we’re in the middle of the field’, Gun whined when he felt Tay’s lips still all over him, ‘Everyone can see us’

‘So?’, Tay chuckled, his warm breath hitting Gun’s neck and sending shivers down his spine, ‘Everyone knows you’re mine’

‘You really are a pig’, Gun said as he pushed Tay off him, but he was laughing as he felt his boyfriend following him. He also saw a bunch of cameras flashing by the side of the road. He’d gotten pretty good spotting cameras over the years, it was like a sixth sense for him. They managed to escape the cameras once they were inside the building, Gun trailing behind Oile as he headed back to his dresser, but he was once again dragged by his boyfriend who turned the other way, heading to the bathroom and locking the door.

‘Tay? What’re you doing?’, Gun asked, watching Tay lean his back against the lock door, holding his hand and dragging him close to him. He felt Tay’s hand rest against his cheeks, lifting his head up and kissing him roughly.

‘I’ve missed you’, Tay whispered.

‘We saw each other this afternoon’, Gun giggled but he gasped when Tay grind against him, feeling him get hard, ‘Are you serious?’, he asked half joking, looking up and laughing at the way Tay closed his eyes, head against the wall.

‘Tokyo was lonely without you’, Tay whispered, which somewhat sent his heart skipping a beat if it was still beating. He always gave in to Tay because he was the only one who kept his promise of always returning back to him. All the other boys in his life were useless and pale in comparison to Tay Tawan. Even when Gun shouted at him to get out, throwing all his clothes out of the window a week before he left for Japan, he was the first person he saw when he returned. He had to give him credit. He was a tough bastard to handle, but Tay handled him anyway.

‘I bet it was’, Gun whispered, tiptoeing to kiss Tay’s neck before kneeling down on the bathroom floor. It didn’t take long for him to read Tay’s mind, not when they shared the same desire. His hands were quick, pulling down his his jeans, his hands already jerking him off through his boxers.

‘Mhhm’, he heard Tay murmuring to himself, making him chuckle as he sucked the tip of his cock through his boxer. Oile was probably waiting for him, but he knew how to make it quick, finally pulling down Tay’s boxers. Gun felt Tay’s hands on the back of his head, guiding him deeper. He took no time to mess around, grinding his hips when he felt Gun’s hot mouth around his hard cock, his chest burning hot when he looked down and watched Gun’s lips.

‘You look so hot baby’, Tay sighed, fog steaming at the mirror beside them. Gun quickened his pace, bopping his head, feeling his throat burn with every sudden thrust from Tay.

‘Gun?! Gun, where are you?’, Gun heard Oile’s voice on the other side of the door calling out his name, probably in search of him. But they couldn’t stop now, not when he felt heat bubbling down his stomach, making him squirm as he dipped his hand inside his jeans, wanking himself off to the heat of Tay’s cock thrusting in his mouth, listening to his groans and whispers of his name.

‘Ah shit, I’m coming’, Tay groaned, pushing Gun off him as he came all over his face.

‘For fuck’s sake Tay’, Gun whined, ‘I told you not to do that’, he wiped the cum with the back of his hands, looking up to glare at his boyfriend who smirked at him, ‘You fucking idiot’, he said before walking over to grab himself a tissue from the dispenser, wiping his hands and face.

‘I’m sorry’, Tay laughed at him, taking a handful of tissues and wetting it under the sink before helping Gun get himself cleaned.

‘If you do that next time, I’ll kill you’, Gun threatened him, but Tay didn’t take him seriously as he threw the stained tissues in the bin, leaning down and kissing Gun’s cheeks.

‘God, I’ve missed you’, Tay smiled, ‘I should’ve taken you to Japan with me’

‘No thanks’, Gun shook his head, although his cheeks were blushing, ‘It’s too cold’, was all he said whilst he zipped himself up, unlocking the bathroom door and walking out to where Oile was waiting for him. Tay stayed behind for a bit, just looking at Gun with adoration before he disappeared, pulling out his phone and quickly texting his manager before heading out to follow Gun.

* * *

‘Cheers!’, Gun heard his friends shout whilst they clinked their glasses together. They sat in the VIP suite of the club by the second floor, looking down on the dance floor where the real crowd was, dancing and shouting the lyrics of the song being played by the DJ.

‘So with Tay’s return, I expect to read articles about you guys getting back together again’, Lee chuckled. He didn’t need an answer, Gun sitting on Tay’s lap was enough to tell them that they were indeed a thing again.

‘Welcome back by the way’, Rose patted Tay’s shoulder, ‘How was filming in Japan?’

‘Long’, Tay answered whilst drinking his beer, ‘But it was fun at the same time. I’d love to go there again for vacation’

‘Why don’t we all go?’, Oile suggested, pouring herself another drink as she smirked to the group, ‘We could hire a private house for the week?’

‘With what time?’, Lee chuckled, ‘Gun’s already ready to film his next movie, I’ve got multiple photo shoots and Rose is busy directing her series’

‘I’m free’, Tay winked at her, ‘It could just be the two of us’

‘Like hell I’ll let that happen’, Gun scrunched his nose in anger, dragging Tay’s head down so he could kiss him.

‘I’m not interested in your boyfriend’, Oile laughed, rolling her eyes and kicking Gun’s legs underneath the table. The night continued like that, Gun and his friends joking around whilst they drank the night away, singing along to the music, complaining about their work and planning meet ups that they’d probably cancel in the future. It felt great. Gun was on top of the world. He lived in a penthouse in the middle of the city with a boyfriend that loved and adored him, surrounded with his friends and swimming in jewels and spotlight.

What more could he want?

* * *

‘So, you and Gun?’, Oile asked when she walked over to the bathroom, leaning her back against the wall as she watched Tay saunter out of the bathroom, tipsy already.

‘Oh, Oile’, Tay turned to where she is, smiling at her, ‘I thought you were with the rest of the gang’

‘You do know, you and Gun will never work out, right?’, Oile sighed, brushing her hair back and tucking it behind her ears. Her sweet voice was now long gone, replaced by something bitter and narcissistic, ‘Gun doesn’t have it in him to love someone’

‘Everyone says you’re a shit friend, but I didn’t think you’d be shit enough to say that’, Tay chuckled, leaning on the wall beside her. He reached his hand out and touched her necklace, seeing the diamond glitter when the lights hit it, ‘What makes you think Gun doesn’t love me?’

‘I’m saying it for both your sakes’, Oile warned him, ‘Gun’s my friend, but he’s a dick. He doesn’t care about his family, he doesn’t care about me and he most certainly doesn’t care about you. Once you know that, you’d know never to expect much from him’

‘He loves me’, Tay shook his head and disagreed with her, ‘He’s been in love with me for four years. He just has a weird way of showing it’

‘Be careful Tay’, Oile called out to him, ‘You’re also a celebrity and if he breaks your heart, you’ll be the talk of town. Do you really wanna be known as just Gun’s boyfriend?’

‘I’m more than that’, Tay glared at her when she started talking about his career, ‘I’ve won just as much awards as he has’

‘Yet you’ll always be known as his lackey’, Oile chuckled at him, a mean glare displayed across her face, ‘Just the same as me, Gun’s best friend and nothing more’

Gun’s spotlight got too bright, so bright that it casted a shadow on everyone else. No one could deny that. No one could deny the fact that Tay had started to get more roles since he got caught on a date with Gun four years ago when he was just a struggling actor. No one could deny that Oile got into the industry because Gun recommended her to be part of his make-up team and now she will always be known as the artist who only got her break because of Gun. No one could deny that without their shining friend, they themselves might not have gotten to where they are – and that’s what pissed them off the most. Gun took the credit of their hard work when he did only the bare minimum.

‘Let’s not be bitter’, Tay smiled at her, brushing her hair back and leaning in closer to place his lips beneath her ears, ‘Bitter doesn’t suit you darling’, he whispered before kissing her cheeks, laughing when she pushed him away, making him stumble a bit.

‘Go and be his puppy for all I care’, Oile shouted at him as he walked back to their table, ‘All I know is I’m getting sick of it!’

* * *

Gun was already drunk, leaning his head against the table as he watched Lee and Rose dancing on top of the table, swaying their hips and spinning around to the beat of the music. He laughed and clapped his hands, but he was too tired to join them.

‘I wanna go home’, he mumbled to himself, taking his phone as he stood up, his body swaying as his vision began to spin for a bit.

‘My baby!’, he heard his boyfriend shouting at him, to which he felt Tay’s arms around his waist again.

‘I wanna go home baby’, he turned to look up at Tay, his cheeks red, ‘Tay can we go?’

‘Not until you marry me’, Tay giggled, his voice slurred and joking.

‘You’re out of your mind’, Gun scrunched his nose in disgust, pushing Tay out of the way, ‘Come on, let’s grab a taxi and get out of here’

‘Why? You don’t wanna marry me?’, Tay sobered up a little, his round eyes looking down at Gun, his smile slowly fading, ‘Baby?’

‘Of course, I don’t wanna marry you’, Gun scoffed. He didn’t give any attention to Tay when he was drunk and playful so he paid no mind as he pushed his boyfriend out of the way. He expected Tay to follow him, but when he couldn’t feel Tay’s hands around him, he turned back to where Lee and Rose were still dancing. And where Tay was stood glaring at him.

‘What did you say?’, Tay shouted over the loud music.

‘What?’, Gun asked, tilting his head, confused by Tay’s sudden change in expression, ‘What did I say?’

‘You said you don’t wanna marry me’, Tay repeated his statement from before, his brows furrowed and lips curved down in a frown, ‘Why don’t you wanna marry me?’

‘Come on Tay, you can’t be seriously upset with me?’, Gun laughed at him, reaching his hand out to hold Tay’s hand, but his boyfriend tugged his hand back, pushing him out of the way.

‘I came back for you’, Tay called out, ‘And now I’m finding out you don’t even think about a future with me’

‘Tay, we’re in our twenties. What future are you talking about?’

‘You know what, go home by yourself. I’m staying with Lee for tonight’, Tay took a step back and walked over to their table.

‘Are you seriously mad over something so fucking stupid?’, Gun shouted at him, trying to call him back, but he watched Tay ignore him, pouring himself another drink, ‘Tay!’, he shouted at him, but when he showed no signs of turning back, he huffed in frustration, stomping his foot on the ground and folding his arm, ‘Fine! Jackass!’, he shouted one last time before he stomped out of the club, pushing pass the crowd and out to the entrance.

‘Do you need any help Mr Atthaphan?’, he heard an usher offering his help, but he pushed pass him and shook his head.

‘I’m fine’, he growled, ‘Leave me alone’, he felt the cold air of the night greeting him once he made it outside, looking down on his phone and calling for a taxi.

_‘Is that Gun?’_

_‘Look, that’s Gun!’_

_‘Woah, it really is him’_

Gun could almost feel the piercing flashes of camera pointed at him, they were like knives digging into his skin until he felt his muscles ache. He looked around and saw the crowd staring at him. He quickly rolled down his sleeves and walked until he reached the end of the road, away from the crowd and murmurs of his name from stranger’s mouths.

Why was Tay mad at him all of a sudden? Wasn’t be only joking when he asked proposed? Why was he offended that he would say no? Why was he walking in the streets alone? It just didn’t make sense. He was Gun Atthaphan, he shouldn’t be alone.

He gave up trying to figure out Tay’s deal as he sat on the edge of the pavement, getting his shirt stained in dirt as he pulled up his knees and leaned on it whilst he waited for his taxi.

* * *

**_Breaking: Actor Gun Atthaphan reported to have rejected long term boyfriend’s marriage proposal._ **

_[+657, -101] He rejected Tay Tawan?! The fucking Tay Tawan? He must be out of his mind._

_[+556, -99] Is it just me or is Gun getting full of himself? God, just because his face is everywhere he thinks he could treat people like shit._

_[+321, -81] I used to work on set for one of his dramas. He’s a real dickhead. He doesn’t even look at you if you’re not the director. He treats everyone like shit._

_[+102, -22] I can’t wait for people to realise he isn’t even all that. Get better actors on our screens, he’s only ever good at causing trouble._

* * *

‘What the fuck is wrong with you?’, Gun shouted as soon as Tay opened the door to his apartment, shoving him out of the way and shoving his phone to his face.

‘What is it?’

‘People are saying you tried to propose to me last night!’

‘I kinda did baby’, Tay shrugged, not at all caring that Gun’s phone was blowing up as soon as he woke up, being called by his manager and PR team who was handling the mess from the articles.

‘Tay, you and I both know you were joking. You joke around when you’re drunk and that’s why I didn’t take you seriously’, Gun sighed, stomping his foot down on his kitchen tile, frustration almost seeping out of his pores when he watched Tay pour himself a bowl of cereal, not at all caring about the stress he was in, ‘Tay are you even listening to me?’

‘I’ll have my agency deny the rumours’, Tay turned and glared at him, ‘God baby, you’re so loud in the morning. Can’t a guy have some peace’

‘Why aren’t you taking this seriously?’

‘I already texted my agency to deny the rumours. There’s nothing more I can do after that. You know we just gotta wait it out until people find better things to talk about’

For Gun’s boyfriend, he really did show no signs of worry and it only pissed Gun off even more. After opening his door to his return, he’d think Tay would be a little bit more affectionate with him. But he was hot and cold. Sometimes he’d make Gun feel like he was on top of the world, but other times he made Gun wonder if he truly wanted to be in a relationship.

‘Tay, the only reason why the articles are released is cos people saw us fighting’

‘So?’

‘So? You also need to release a statement that we were both drunk and spurting nonsense!’

‘Gun, baby—’

‘Don’t baby me’

‘It’s eight o’clock in the morning’, Tay whined whilst he finished his cereal, ‘Why don’t you go back to bed and once you wake up, people would’ve moved onto the next article. You’ve been a celebrity long enough to know this shit passes’

‘This is exactly why I can’t understand you. You were practically all over me yesterday but now you’re indifferent? What gives?’

‘Well, you did reject my proposal’

‘You were fucking joking!’

‘And let’s say I’m not’, Tay banged his fist on his marble table, making Gun freeze, ‘Let’s say I really meant it’

‘What do you mean?’

‘What if I ask you to marry me, right here and now. Will you say yes?’

‘You don’t mean it’

‘But I do’, Tay interrupted him before he could say his excuses, ‘I can see a future with you and you need to tell me if you can too. Because if you don’t, then what’re we doing?’

‘I was literally sucking your dick in a bathroom stall yesterday. What makes you think we’re marriage material?’

‘We’ve been together for four years and everyone thinks we’re perfect for each other so why are we wasting our time?’

‘Okay, technically we’ve been together less than that’, Gun pointed out, ‘You broke up with me after our first year together, then I broke up with you during our third. We were barely together during those four years’

‘I came back to see you because I thought our time away would give you a sense of what you want’, Tay sighed, standing up and heading over to his sink to wash his dishes, ‘I thought you’d miss me enough to finally come to terms with your feelings’

‘What feelings?’, Gun’s reply only made Tay laugh, his shoulders shaking as he turned around to glare at Gun.

‘That’s exactly what Oile means. What feelings do you actually have Gun?’

‘I cannot believe you’re taking this seriously. We just got back together yesterday and you expect me to talk about marriage seriously?’

‘I’ve been expecting you to talk about marriage seriously for a long time, not just yesterday. But it seems like you’re not ready to talk about it yet’

‘So what? You’re gonna break up with me?’, Gun tilted his head in frustration, ‘Seriously? Over this?’

‘I need a break’, Tay sighed, ‘And you do too. Think about what you want and come back to me when you get the answer’

‘How can I when the whole country wants me dead for breaking your heart?’

‘Well maybe learn to be approachable, then people might not misunderstand you’

* * *

‘Dickhead’, Gun murmured to himself as he stormed in his agency building, his hood up and sunglasses hiding his eyes.

‘Gun!’, he heard his manager calling out to him.

‘P’Godji’, he shouted back her name, running to her and giving her a hug.

‘Are you okay?’, she asked, stroking his hair, comforting him as they walked to the meeting room. Godji had been his only manager that had stuck around him since the beginning and he treated her like his own mother, so he finally gave in and cried his complaints to her about his recent scandal before the meeting started.

‘Tay wants me to take the relationship seriously but how can I when we’ve been on and off for four years?’

‘Tay can be a little too romantic for his own good’, Godji sighed, stroking his hair as they sat down in the meeting room, ‘But Gun, let me warn you, the boss isn’t happy at all’

‘What? Why?’, Gun tilted his head, ‘I thought you said you’d get this sorted?’

‘Yeah I know, but you know the company’s been giving their all promoting their new artists. This is the first boyband we’re debuting and your scandal is all everyone is talking about’

‘So?’

‘You’ve basically taken away their attention’

‘But it’s not my fault’, Gun defended himself, ‘I didn’t want this’

‘I know you don’t’, Godji nodded, feeling sorry for Gun who she knew was a sweetheart in real life. She felt frustrated that all everyone ever sees from him was his outer appearance and not his genuine self, but even she couldn’t help him this time. No one wanted bad press, especially when it was talking away the attention on their other artists.

‘Gun Atthaphan Phunsawat!’, they heard the bellowing of their CEO shouting from across the hall, his shadow falling him shortly behind to which he slammed the door open, his hand on his waist as he looked down at Gun like a bear looking down at its prey before it devours it, ‘I want you out of the city!’

‘What?!’


	3. Part II; this place is the same as it ever was

**_Part II; this place is the same as it ever was_ **

The sound of drilling can be heard once Mild entered the shop, listening to the sound of metal clanking against metal as she placed the small basket of fruit from the farmer’s market. She could smell tar and oil, followed by petrol whilst she idly watched him fix his bike for the fifteenth time this month.

‘Didn’t I tell you to throw that piece of junk away?’, she said as she kicked the tyres with her boot, laughing when Off rolled out to face her.

‘What’re you doing here?’, Off asked as he wiped the stains from his face, sitting up and grabbing a towel, ‘Aren’t you supposed to be at work?’

‘I got off early’, Mild shrugged, usually there would be music playing from Off’s old radio, songs of nostalgia filling his shop until Mild arrived to pick him up, but instead, she heard talking, specifically coming from his phone.

_‘Do you love me Sean?’_

_‘Of course, I do. I do’_

‘Are you watching his film again?’, Mild snorted when she looked down on the tiny cracked screen of his phone, seeing his face on the small screen beside Off, resting against his tool box.

‘What? It’s a good film’, Off shrugged, laughing when Mild grabbed his towel and started hitting him with it.

‘God, sometimes I really want to hate you so much’, Mild sighed, but she smiled for Off. She had gotten pretty used to the tiny place in his heart which only belonged to a certain someone that was long gone. Despite her aggression and frustration over it, she couldn’t hate Off anymore for it. People have their weak points and she has no say on what Off’s was.

‘Come on, my family’s making dinner tonight’, Mild kicked the tyres to his bike again, beckoning Off to get a move on and finish up at his shop.

‘Am I joining?’, Off smiled at her, knowing she didn’t need to answer.

‘Of course, you’re family aren’t you?’, Mild chuckled, ‘Plus Mrs Phunsawat made us cheesecake’

‘Ah, she makes a mean cheesecake’

‘She makes it just the way you like it, so you better hurry before everyone takes a slice before you’

‘Okay, okay, I’m closing up already’

* * *

‘This cannot be happening’, Gun paced around his room as he threw his clothes in his luggage, stomping around as he tried to call his manager again. His boss had put all the company’s money of their stupid boyband and with Gun at the centre of everyone’s attention, there was no hope for them. So now he was exiled for no fucking reason. He wanted to scream and shout, but Godji promised him she would sort it out, but the day was almost ending and all the text he got was Godji telling him to pack his bags.

‘You’ve always wanted to go to Korea, right?’, Godji said over the phone, to which he picked up his lamp, throwing it at the floor and letting it crash into pieces.

‘Are you fucking insane?!’

‘Look, they just want you to lay low for a month or so. It’s no big deal, you’re going to start filming in three months time so they just want you to keep quiet for the time being’

‘For a fucking boyband?! Do I have to remind you how much money I bring to this damn company every year? And you’re throwing me off for a boyband?!’

‘Gun, I know you’re mad, but this may be good for you’, Godji explained, trying to calm him down over the phone and failing miserably, ‘You’ve been working nonstop for seven whole years, shouldn’t you be glad to be given a long break?’

‘This isn’t a break. This is exile!’, Gun shouted, kicking his broken lamp to the side, ‘And how do I know if I still have my job when I get back?’

‘You’re literally signed on for two films already’, Godji sighed, ‘Gun don’t be paranoid, I won’t let you get left behind. Just let us do this and you’ll be back and working in no time’

‘Three months is a long time!’, Gun whined, plopping himself on his bed, looking up at the ceiling and cursing under his breath, ‘God I shouldn’t have taken Tay back’

‘You don’t mean that darling’, Godji said, ‘You love him deep down. You two just don’t know how to see eye to eye yet’

‘P’Godji, I really don’t wanna leave the country’, Gun whispered, his paranoia getting the better of him as countless of scenarios popped up in his head and none of them was good, ‘I need to be in the country just in case anything happens’

‘Well… You can stay at your holiday home in Phuket?’, Godji suggested, ‘But paparazzi will still be all over you if they see you there’

‘Is there anywhere else I could go?’, Gun asked, sitting up on his bed and looking out of his window. He could see the whole city from this view, where the buildings meet the skies.

‘Do you still talk to your parents?’

‘Sometimes. Why?’

‘Surely you can stay with them, right?’

* * *

_Ring… Ring… Ring… Ring…_

‘Hello?’

‘Mum?’

‘Gun?! Darling? Is something wrong? Are you okay? Are you hurt?’

‘What? Why would you think I’m hurt?’

‘You usually don’t call us unless it’s an emergency or the holidays darling’

‘Oh’

‘So, what is it darling?’

‘Can I stay at your place for a bit?’

* * *

Gun rejected the idea of ever going back to the boring old town he once came from. When Godji brought it up he almost threw his phone at the wall and cursed her out for suggesting such nonsense. But Thailand was too small for Gun Atthaphan to hide in and he couldn’t find any other place where he could stay hidden and be forgotten for a bit.

If he couldn’t find a better place, his boss would kick him out of the country and who knows what they might stir whilst he’s away and out of control. What if they decided to annul his contract? What if they give his roles to other actors? He can’t let that happen. If he needed to stay hidden, he needed to stay hidden in Thailand and nowhere else.

He called his mum in the middle of the night after he made up his mind, having no choice but to look back at his hometown which he had long forgotten. His mum was more than ecstatic at his desperation, beckoning him to hurry and come back for the holidays.

‘We’re so excited to see you again my darling! Hurry up! We’ll be waiting for you’, was the last thing his mum said to him whilst he packed up as much as he could, looking around his penthouse which was designed by the best. He could already remember his parents’ old house which consisted of stained wallpaper and rotting floorboards.

‘I’m gonna miss you’, Gun said to his apartment as he closed the lights, letting the darkness engulf the house he had bought and cherished with his own money and hard work. He passed by the countless framed art he bought, he looked through framed photos of him and his friends, brushing his hands against the glass shelf where all his awards were placed.

_Best Rookie Actor of the Year._

_Breakthrough Actor of the Year._

_Best Actor of the Year._

_Scene Stealer of the Year._

This was all too depressing. And it was all because of Tay Tawan. And speaking of the devil, he heard his doorbell ringing, forcing him to drag his three massive suitcase to the front, opening the door and being greeted by his ex boyfriend.

‘P’Godji texted me’, Tay said with a worried expression.

‘Oh, so now you choose to be worried’

‘I didn’t think this scandal was going to go this far’, Tay whined, kneeling down in front of Gun, grabbing his hands and placing it on his cheeks, ‘I know I was mad, but I don’t want you leaving. I can’t have you leaving’

‘This is your fault’, Gun pulled his hand out of his.

‘I’ll talk to your boss, I promise’, Tay offered and he didn’t know whether to be flattered or pissed off, ‘I’ll try my best, so please just stay’

‘I can’t. I already agreed to leave for a bit’, Gun sighed, pulling Tay up and wiping the dirt from his jeans, ‘P’Godji said it’ll be good for me’

‘I didn’t mean what I said’, Tay confessed, holding onto his hands, ‘I love you and I was being petty. I’m sorry’

‘I know’, Gun sighed, looking down at their hands which were intertwined, ‘I’m still mad at you though, but I think I understand where you were coming from’

‘Baby, where are you gonna stay? I’ll come and stay with you?’

‘The drive’s almost five hours away from here’, Gun chuckled, shaking his head, ‘You have to stay here and keep working, you jackass’

‘I’ll come visit you’

_Will you come visit me?_

‘Don’t’, Gun shook his head again, ‘You need to focus on work and we just broke up this morning’

‘Gun—’

‘Like you said, we need a break’, Gun said, ‘And when I come back maybe we’ll both find the answers we’re looking for’

* * *

Mild walked to the town centre in the early morning. She used to hate waking up early, but she suddenly found pleasure walking underneath the morning sun with the breeze throwing back her hair whilst she whistled a song.

It was quiet, like it usually was, nothing more but birds chirping, farmers singing whilst they set up their stall for the weekend. Nothing much had changed and Mild liked it that way. Her home was a painting that never changed, it always stayed beautiful, just the way she liked it.

‘Hey Mild, morning to you’, Uncle Than called out to her, nodding his head as he lifted a box of newly picked fruit and vegetable.

‘Morning’, she waved at him whilst she skipped to his stall, ‘Any good news?’

‘The kids are doing well in college’, he explained, ‘Although I hoped one of them would stay and help me out with business, but I understand they wanna spread their wings’

‘Oh, come on Uncle Than, I went to college and I came back after I graduated. They’ll miss home too much to leave for too long’, she comforted him, patting his shoulders as she walked over to look at the fresh collection.

‘Where’s your bundle of joy?’

‘Still sleeping’, she chuckled, tucking her hair behind her ears.

‘Oh and I got a call from Mrs Phunsawat’, Uncle Than whispered to her as if they were in high school gossiping.

‘What is it?’

‘She wanted me to bring her some of my best picks for the day. She said she’s preparing a big meal’

‘Big meal? Why?’

‘Apparently her son’s coming home’

‘What?’, Mild almost dropped her basket, taking a step back, her eyes turning wide and round, ‘You mean Gun?’

‘Was that his name?’, Uncle Than shook his head and scratched his neck, ‘He hasn’t visited in a long time, I forgot his name’

‘Does anyone else know about it?’

‘No, I think it’s just me and the Mrs and now you’, he smiled at the last bit, ‘Didn’t you go school together?’

‘Yeah’, Mild whispered, scrunching her nose in annoyance at the thought of it.

‘Wasn’t he with Off all the time?’

‘Yeah’

‘Well, I bet Off’s going to be excited to see him again’

‘I think not’, Mild shook her head, ‘Plus, he’s got other things to be worried about’

‘It’s a small town Mild’, he whispered to her, ‘They’ll see each other again sooner or later’

* * *

Gun drove by himself, almost getting lost as his GPS lost signal once he left the city. He parked his car in front of convenience stores and gas stations, buying meals and trying to find signal on his phone to see if he was getting closer. He hadn’t gone home since he left and he had forgotten where it was. It was like the town didn’t exist, hidden away by the trees and lakes surrounding it.

‘What a fucking joke’, he muttered to himself as he threw his unfinished food in the bin, heading back to his car and banging his head against the stirring wheel. He wanted to turn back and beg his CEO one last time to reconsider his proposition. He was sure they’d change his mind. But he doesn’t even know how to go back anymore. He was stuck in the middle and he had no other choice but to keep moving forward, following the slopes and roundabouts that his GPS took him in.

He was about to give hope when he noticed a family sign posted on the side of the road.

_Welcome to Cha Cha Noi._

‘Holy shit, I’m here’, he whispered to himself, driving his car until he passed the residential area, old houses lined up beside each other, some made of pure wood, others with paint chipping from the cement. After washing the memories clean from his mind for seven years, it was like his brain was opening something old but familiar. He passed by stores and he suddenly saw himself walking. He saw himself wearing his old school uniform whilst he ate his ice cream.

He passed by the park and he suddenly say himself on the swings, trying to push himself higher and higher into the air.

He passed by the cold temple where he suddenly saw himself sitting by the steps of the entrance, his eyes closed whilst someone kissed his lips for the first time.

Gun shook his head and focused his eyes on the road, trying to block out more memories from seeping out. He doesn’t have time to indulge in nostalgia when his future was on the line. He just needed to stay here for a couple of months and he’ll be back in his real life in no time.

He didn’t belong here. He never did and he had to keep reminding himself that.

Once he reached the main town square, he remembered enough to drive to his family’s house, which was on the other side of town where the lake was.

‘Oh god’, he whined as soon as he took off his sunglasses, parking his car in front of his old family home which had aged considerably. It was embarrassing. Gun Atthaphan was going to be dead if the world found out he came from an old home with chipped paint and rusted windows. He got out of his car, slamming it shut as he slid his keys in his pockets, waking to the front lawn where he stepped on overgrown weeds and grass scratching his legs, almost tripping on the uneven tiles as he made his way to the front door where it was covered in webs and dust. Does his parents ever clean?

He pressed on the doorbell, hearing the loud shriek of the bell which almost flustered him as he waited for his parents’ to open the door.

‘Gun! My boy!’, his dad was the first to greet him, swinging the rusted door open and engulfing him in the tightest hug imaginable, squeezing all the air out of his lungs, ‘Look how much you’ve grown!’

‘Dad’, he whined, trying to get his breath as he pushed him, ‘It’s nice to see you too’

‘Gun? Is my darling here already!’, he heard his mother’s shrieks from inside and it only took a second before she ran to the front entrance, engulfing him in his second tight hug, ‘Darling! We’ve missed you so much!’

‘Yeah, me too’, Gun smiled, smelling his mother’s perfume for the first time in seven years. Not much has changed, not even the old smell of his home, but for a second, he felt warm for the first time in a long time, a small smile shaping on his lips.

‘Oh, I’m almost finished cooking! Make yourself at home! I’ll have your meals prepared in no time!’

‘You didn’t have to. I ate on the way here’, Gun called out to her, but she wasn’t listening. Her only son had come back after seven years and she was making a party out of it.

‘I’ll get your luggage for you. Why don’t you settle back home. I even had your old room cleaned for you’, his dad patted him on the back whilst he walked outside and towards his car. Gun called out after him, handing him his keys whilst he headed back inside the house, looking around and seeing the every frame hung on the wall hadn’t changed. His baby photos were still plastered everywhere, the walls were still painted white and the sofa was still the leather brown one which was scratched and dented with age.

It was his own home, but he was awkward. He didn’t know where to sit or where to look. He was right, he didn’t belong here.

‘It’s only for a couple of months’, he whispered words of comfort to himself as he headed to the living room, awkwardly sitting down on the sofa and looking at the small TV hung on the wall of the living room. It was an old model and he didn’t even think the company who made it existed anymore. It made him miss his 4K flatscreen back at his apartment.

‘Hey darling, have you been to town?’, he heard his mum shouting at him from the kitchen. Even her voice was the same, it reminded him of all the times she nagged at him when he was young.

‘I drove passed it’, he mentioned, pulling out his phone and checking the signal. He only got one bar… He wasn’t going to receive any messages at this rate.

‘You should visit it!’

‘Why? Has it changed?’

‘Not particularly, but didn’t you used to hang out there? Surely you must miss it’

‘Not really’, Gun murmured, standing up and lifting his arms up, trying to see if he could get better signal, but his parents’ house were right at the edge of town so he should’ve expected there to be no signal.

‘Darling, what are you doing?’, his mum asked when she walked to the living room to check up on him, watching him standing on the coffee table with his phone high up in the air as if he was in the lion king and his phone was Simba.

‘Is there any signal in this town?’, Gun whined, finding the bar going lower the more he moved around.

‘There’s good signal in the town centre’, she mentioned, folding her arms and smiling when she watched her son walking around the living room, jumping on the sofa and coffee table like how he used to when he was young. Her heart broke at her son’s decision to leave home after graduation but it kept on breaking when the text messages from him became scarce, his phone calls resorting to only once a year. She knew she had to let him grow up and live his own life, but she had always hoped he would return, even if it was just for one weekend.

She didn’t know her prayers would be answered.

‘Why don’t you go to the town centre? I’m still cooking so you’re meal will be ready by the time you come back’

‘I do need to call P’Godji’, he murmured, but he didn’t feel like going around town. He hated the idea of being back and his main goal was to stay in his parents’ house until he gets a phone call from his manager to tell him he could return. But if he can’t get signal here, he had to get signal elsewhere right?

‘Do you still know how to get to the town centre?’

‘I think so?’

* * *

Once Gun left his parents’ house, it was like second instinct. His feet just instantly knew where to go, passing by alleyways and roads until he saw the town’s clock placed at the centre of the square, standing tall and strong as always.

Wow. His mum wasn’t lying. The place hadn’t changed one bit. He looked out of place. He was wearing designers from head to toe whilst everyone was wearing jumpsuits and denim that belonged in the 90s. He checked his phone again, looking down and smiling when he saw the three bars on top of his phone, finally scrolling to look for P’Godji’s number, calling her as he walked around the centre, passing by market stalls and home owned businesses.

_Ring… Ring… Ring…_

‘Hello?’

‘P’Godji?’, he said as soon as he heard her answer.

‘Oh Gun, have you arrived to your family’s home?’

‘Yeah’

‘Wonderful! I’m glad you’re safely there’

‘And you? Have you spoken to our boss?’

‘Not yet. He’s busy with international affairs. But I’ll make sure to meet him before the day ends. I’m doing everything I can, I promise’

‘Thanks P’Godji’

‘Just relax there, okay? Spend some time with your family and don’t stress out’

‘I’ll try not to’, Gun sighed, scratching his brow as he continued talking over the phone, his focus away from what’s in front of him, not noticing the people passing him. He was about to make a turn further into town when he felt something hit his legs, causing him to stumble and almost fall.

‘What the…’, he cursed under his breath as he looked down, finding a little girl clinging on his legs, ‘Who are you?’, he asked the little girl, trying to push her away from him, a certain look of disgust displayed on his face when the child kept on following him.

‘I like your shirt!’, she smiled, showing her toothy gums as she pointed on his sweater which was a Ralph Lauren with a teddy bear on the front.

‘Thanks kid’, Gun said, without a smile on his face, ‘Now run along back to your parents’, he ordered her, shooing her away as he got back on his phone.

‘Are you new? I haven’t seen you before?’

How old was this kid? Gun wandered. She looked no more than five years old but she could already speak in sentences. Her words were still mispronounced and she spoke slow, but it still impressed Gun.

‘Look kid, didn’t your parents’ ever tell you not to talk to strangers?’, Gun looked down on her, ‘Now you better go and find your mum before she gets worried’, he bent down and patted her back, pushing her back towards the town centre, ‘Go on then. Go’

‘You’re so mean’, she whined, pouting her lips as she stomped her foot, ‘I just wanted to say hi!’

‘Well, you’ve said it. Now go’

‘Meanie!’

‘You’re the meanie’, Gun shouted back at her, watching her little feet stomp back to where she came from, her small backpack swaying from her little arms, ‘God, this day couldn’t get any worse’, he sighed, looking down on his phone to see that Godji had already hung up.

* * *

‘Hey, have you spoken to Uncle Than today?’

‘No. Why would I? You know I barely go grocery shopping’, Off chuckled as he finished fixing the latest car, ‘That’s why I have you’, he joked, winking as he turned to look at her.

‘Shut up’, Mild rolled her eyes, sitting on the table with her legs crossed, flipping though the magazine in Off’s shop. It had been almost five years since he inherited his father’s car repair shop yet some of his dad’s old stuff was still around, even the framed photos of his younger years in the 70s. Off truly was a sentimental soul, he never wanted to get rid of old things, even if they were broken or useless to him.

‘Why’re you asking anyway? You know I don’t go out of the shop unless necessary’, Off commented, wiping the stains from the car whilst he finished his work, his muscles glistening with sweat and oil, defining his body which had changed from scrawny to fit.

‘Nothing’, Mild shrugged, looking down and avoiding eye contact. Uncle Than’s announcement was still spinning in her head the moment she returned home and she couldn’t help but worry.

‘Anyway, I’m thinking about moving my mum to a bigger city’, Off commented once Mild stopped her usual jokes.

‘Oh really?’

‘She needs more care and the doctors here don’t have the right equipment for her’

‘So are you finally moving?’

‘No, I still have the shop to run’, Off snorted, shaking his head, ‘But I wonder if she minds being place in a home where she gets twenty four hour care’

‘She won’t get to see you often. The next big town in almost two hours away’

‘Well, I think she was already getting sick and tired of seeing me everyday, don’t you think?’, Off joked, laughing when Mild nodded in agreement instead of disagreeing, the two bickering with each other until Off finished his last job. They would have never imagined they’d get along in the future when they spent all of high school fighting with each other, but even though the place hasn’t changed, time still took its course. They were different people from who they were when they were young and clueless.

‘Come on, we should get going. My parents are probably getting tired of babysitting’

‘Ah right’, Off nodded, wiping his hands from the oil, ‘Yeah, I should thank them. They’ve been a lifesaver’

‘Don’t mention it. They’d do anything for you’

* * *

The afternoon sun was burning his skin and Gun realised he hadn’t even put sunscreen on and he’d been walking around town for almost an hour.

‘Shit’, he whispered to himself, looking down at his Rolex watch and checking the time, ‘I need to head back’, he quickened his pace and made his way back to the town centre, passing by a few more dozen people who he paid no attention to. He just wanted to get home and go to sleep and forget he’s back in this dump.

‘Hey look! It’s meanie!’, Gun heard a little girl shouting and when he turned he recognised the little girl who was following him earlier on.

‘God, how small can this town be?’, Gun murmured to himself as he walked towards the little girl who was still pointing at him, tugging on the sleeves on an adult who had his back facing him.

‘Daddy look! It’s the meanie! It’s the meanie!’, she tugged what seemed to be her dad’s hands, trying to get his attention as she continued to glare at Gun. Before her dad turned around, Gun stuck out his tongue at her, making a face before walking pass them.

‘Honey, don’t call people names, I told you it’s rude’

‘But daddy!’

‘Nirin, apologise to the man now—’, the young looking man finally turned to look at whoever his daughter was pointing to and Gun almost lost every breath he had left in his lungs as soon as his eyes landed on the man.

‘Off Jumpol?’, he whispered the name. The name he hadn’t uttered in seven years was finally pressed out of his lips in forms of shock and wonder as soon as he saw him standing with the small child by his side.

‘Gu— Gun?!’, Off was just as shocked as him, his eyes almost bulging out of his head as he choked out his name. It was like time hadn’t passed by. Off still looked the same, his youth was still with him, but this time his hair was parted at the sides and not combed down, his muscles were toner and he looked a little more mature in his jeans and shirt. But more importantly, he was holding his daughter’s hand.

_His daughter._

A wave of emotion flooded Gun, punching him one after the other.

‘Is it really you?’

* * *

**_Cha Cha Noi; 2012_ **

‘Will you be my boyfriend?’

Gun spat out his drink when he heard Off’s question, the pair sitting at the steps of the local temple after dropping off the homemade food their parents’ made for the monks. They decided to stay a little longer, buying ice cream and soda at the store and sitting underneath the burning sun in their uniforms.

‘What’re you talking about?’, Gun laughed, trying to brush it off as a joke, but when he turned to look at Off, he saw how serious his expression was, making him blush a crimson red, ‘Are you being serious?’

‘I like you Gun Atthaphan’, Off confessed to him, direct and definitely too straight forward that it made Gun squirm, reaching his hand out and placing it on Off’s mouth, trying to shut him up. But instead, Off kissed his palm, making him blush even more, pulling back his hand and looking down on it, ‘Do you like me too?’, Off asked, sliding closer to Gun until their legs were pressed against each other.

‘You know I do’, Gun looked down on his lap shyly, his cheeks burning and his hands shaking from Off’s lips touching it.

‘Then can I kiss you?’, Off whispered, leaning his head in and pressing his forehead against Gun’s.

‘Are you sure you’re not joking?’, Gun asked worriedly, ‘Because if you are, I’m gonna kill you’

‘I’m not joking, I promise’, Off whispered and his usual nonsensical humour was stripped down, showing Gun that he meant every word he said, which only made his heart race ferociously.

Gun didn’t say anything else, instead, he let Off lean in closer until their lips met. It was awkward yet warm, making Gun smile as he leaned in closer, holding onto Off’s neck as they kissed by the steps of the temple for the first time. They were young and inexperienced, Gun accidentally biting on Off’s lips, making him laugh as he pulled him closer, breaking the kiss and hugging him instead.

‘You better not be joking Off’, Gun warned him again, but he was laughing with the taller, ‘Because I just gave you my first kiss’

‘I’m not’, Off shook his head, kissing the top of Gun’s head, ‘Otherwise I wouldn’t have given you my first either’


	4. Part III; do you ever stop and think about me?

**_Part III; do you ever stop and think about me?_ **

****

**_Bangkok; 2016_ **

****

‘Hey, my name’s Tay’

‘Oh, I’m Gun’

‘I know. I’m a huge fan of yours’

And that was how Gun first met Tay, the tall actor who his old manager introduced him to one night after work. It was dark at the bar and he was tired, but he agreed to meet up after work due to his hopes to please everyone. He was still considered a rookie so every invite from his seniors he knew he had to attend.

‘You’re handsome’, Gun confessed truthfully after his third drink, making Tay laugh as he looked at him. Gun couldn’t hide it when he was tipsy, his cheeks a shade of pink and his eyes droopy, but to Tay it was cute. Gun was known as intimidating force to be reckoned with in the industry but in real life he was nothing more than a softie. Tay loved seeing this side of Gun, laughing at every joke the shorter pulled, singing along with him whenever Gun’s favourite songs played in the bar.

‘I had fun today’, Tay said whilst the group walked out of the bar, his hand reaching out to hold onto Gun’s.

‘Me too’, Gun smiled at him, ‘And I can’t say I’ve said that truthfully in a long time’

‘I’m glad’, Tay looked down, now it was his turn to act shy, scratching the back of his head, ‘Can I have your phone number by the way?’

‘Why? Do you wanna go on a date with me?’, Gun chuckled, obviously he was only joking, but when Tay nodded, he couldn’t help but freeze in his steps, only the two of them alone standing by the entrance of the bar whilst the rest of their friends headed home.

‘Yes, you can have my number’

* * *

**_Cha Cha Noi; 2020_ **

****

‘Is it really you?’, Off’s voice was as crystal clear as the day they parted and Gun’s mind just didn’t know how to react. His instinct was to step forward and grab Off, but the little girl standing beside him only made his head spin faster.

‘You’re married?’, Gun suddenly asked, desperate to search for the ring around his finger – but there was none?

‘Uh…’, Off looked down on the ground, a hint of discomfort in expression, but he quickly wiped it off and smiled at him, ‘Was’, was his one worded answer that was enough to fuel Gun’s curiosity but not enough to stop it.

‘Daddy, do you know him?’, the little girl asked, pointing at Gun as she looked up at Off, pouting her lips.

‘Yeah, this is Gun. He used to go to school with me’, Off knelt down to look at his daughter, combing her hair back, ‘Say hi to P’Gun’

‘Hi P’Gun’, upon her loud behaviour when initially meeting Gun, she immediately followed her dad’s orders, bowing her head to him and greeting him formally. Gun could do nothing but bow his head in return, but he couldn’t say a word.

‘Off! There you are! Quickly, mum and dad wants to head back home and—’

As if the day couldn’t get any worse, Gun saw someone else approaching them, her long legs being the force to be in his sight, followed by her perfect figure which was accentuated by her dress, her long hair flowing softly behind her.

‘Oh shit’, she whispered as soon as she laid her eyes on the boy who Off was too busy staring at to look at her.

‘Mild?’, Gun raised his brow as soon as he recognised the girl, ‘Did nothing change in this town?’, he laughed, which was the only thing he could do when he reunited with classmate whom he despised during high school. He remembered getting into arguments with her along with Off, so why were they together?

‘Gun. I didn’t know you’d be visiting’, Mild coughed out, standing close beside Off, her hands reaching out to grab Off’s daughter. Now that Gun could think straight, he managed to take a good look at the little girl before looking back up at Mild. He couldn’t lie, the girl had more of a resemblance to Off, but there was a hint of Mild in her features – and that scared the shit out of him.

‘When did you arrive?’, Off asked.

‘I’ve got to go’, Gun said, ignoring their questions as he pushed pass them. He felt Off for the first time, their shoulders brushing against each other before Gun quickened his pace, running back to the alleyway towards his house, his phone still in his hand as he tried to wrap his head around it all.

Off Jumpol. He clearly stayed where he was, planting his life in the place that Gun despised the most. But was Gun conceited? Was he conceited to think that Off would stay the same no matter how may years had passed? Look at him, he’d had numerous relationships, a well known public one with a famous actor and he’s know being forced to think about marriage. Why did he think Off would live a stagnant life? Of course he’d settle down with a family, that was always his dream.

God, he forgot about Off and now with just a second, everything came flooding back. Gun ran as fast as he could, sweat staining the back of his shirt as he made his way to his house, slamming the door open and running up the stairs. Just like when he was a kid, he ran to his room, slamming his door shut and jumping straight to bed, pulling his blanket over himself and closing his eyes as he screamed into the pillow.

‘Please let this be a dream!’, he shouted, punching his pillow until he tired himself out, falling asleep just as soon as the sun was about to set.

* * *

Mild walked into the kitchen to find Off staring at nothing, the tap still running as he ran his hands through the dishes yet he wasn’t washing them. He looked dazed, as if he was out of this world and in another dimension. Mild knew exactly why.

‘Knock, knock’, she interrupted his thoughts, flicking his forehead and sending him back down on earth to which he shook his head and turned to look at her.

‘Oh, Mild. Hey’, he smiled at her, but his eyes were still blank, shallow in comparison to how it was usually filled with bright happiness.

‘So, Gun’s back, huh?’

‘Right. Gun’, Off nodded, ‘Gun…’

‘When was the last time you spoke to him?’, Mild asked, leaning on the counter and folding her arms.

‘Not since prom’, Off recalled, his expression falling even more, ‘God that was a long time ago’

‘Are you okay?’, Mild asked, kicking his leg playfully but her tone was serious.

‘Yeah, I’m fine’, Off nodded, forming a wide grin to comfort Mild as he continued washing the dishes.

‘I remember the days when you and Gun used to annoy me’, Mild chuckled, ‘God you were awful when you were with him?’

‘What do you mean? You guys were awful back then too’, Off defended himself as he set the plates on the drying racks, ‘You never stopped bothering him’

‘And you never stopped defending him’, Mild laughed, ‘You were like his personal bodyguard. Whenever Off was around, no one could touch Gun, that was a fact no one wanted to mess with’

‘He was cute back then. It made me wanna protect him’, he admitted, wiping his hands with the towel before heading out in the living room, ‘Thanks for having dinner with us by the way. Nirin gets fussy when I force her to eat vegetables’

‘Don’t worry about it, anything for my precious girl’, Mild smiled, a little relieved that they weren’t talking about Gun anymore. But she was still worried. Anything could happen now that Gun was back and they didn’t know for how long. A day? A weekend? A month? The whole town would be a ticking time bomb now that he’s here and all she wants to do is protect everyone she loves from Gun.

‘Hey Mild, did you see the way Gun looked today? God, it’s like he hadn’t changed one bit’

‘Off, he’s one of the country’s top actors. He may not look like he’s changed but he’s part of a different world now’, Mild reminded him as she headed to the front door, grabbing her bags and resting her hand on the doorknob, ‘You don’t belong in his world’

‘Yeah, I know’, Off said to her, leaning on the banister of his staircase, ‘But it’s nice to see him, even from a distance’

‘You miss him?’

‘You know I do’

‘Well then continue missing him. Because he won’t stay for long’, Mild warned him, opening the door and leaving his place.

‘Yeah. I know’, Off whispered to no one in particular.

‘Daddy!’, he heard Nirin calling out to him, to which he shook Gun out of his attention. He headed up the stairs to where his daughter was waiting for him, holding a book in her hands, begging him to read her a bedtime story before she fell asleep.

‘Come here’, Off laughed, lifting her up with both arms and tucking her in bed. He sat at the edge with the book resting on his lap, glow in the dark star stickers glowing above on the ceiling.

‘How was kindergarten today?’

‘Good! Grandma picked me up and we went to eat’, Nirin replied, hugging her teddy bear as Off opened the book, ‘Then I met Mr Meanie’

‘Mr Meanie?’, Off chuckled, pinching her cheeks, ‘Didn’t I tell you not to call people names?’

‘He really was mean!’, Nirin shouted, but Off kissed her cheeks to quieten her.

‘Alright darling. Alright’, Off gave in, opening the book in his hand as he began to read to her. Despite everything that’s happened, there was a moment of bliss when he felt his daughter hugging his arm whilst he read to her and he couldn’t help but smile to himself, placing a small kiss on her forehead when her eyes closed.

‘I love you’, he whispered, placing the blankets on her before closing the lights and leaving her room.

_Promise you’ll take care of her._

He could still hear her voice even now, whispering in his ears every so often. It was soft and fragile, like soft wind but it still haunted him.

* * *

‘So did you see anyone you recognised?’

‘No’, Gun replied with one worded answers to his parents’ questions whilst they sat around the dinner table. Gun stabbed at his food, barely eating as he tried to kick out the memories of Off flooding in his mind.

‘Gun, are you okay?’, his mum asked him, reaching her hand out to pat his back.

‘Yeah I’m fine. I’m just stressed that’s all’

‘What happened darling? What scandal did you get into that got you hiding here?’, his mum, who didn’t ask much questions during the initial phone call since all she cared about was her son coming back, but now that she saw the worries in his eyes, she wondered if his career was being affected.

‘It’s fine’, Gun faked a smile, ‘I’m just a little overwhelmed coming back. It’s been a long time’

‘Oh, that’s true. It’s better to have your rest tonight. Tomorrow you can explore and meet up with your old friends’

‘I’m sure they’ve moved on’

‘Most of them have returned from college’, his dad joined in with a smile on his face, ‘They’re pretty much living together on the other side of town. You should visit them’

‘Oh and Off owns his dad’s repair shop now’, his mum added on, as if mentioning him was normal. But it wasn’t for Gun. He still couldn’t get used to his name, not when he spent so long trying to burn it out of his mind.

‘He’d be so excited to meet you’, his dad said whilst playfully shoving his arm, ‘He’s turned out into quite a man’

‘Yeah, and he has the most adorable daughter’

‘Where’s his wife?’, Gun asked when his mum finally brought the topic into the conversation, more questions flowing in his head. Mild was the first person he thought of. Did he end up marrying her? But he said to him he was married. Why would he be hanging out with Mild if they were divorced?

‘Oh, well…’, Gun’s mum looked down on her plate of food, now her turn in stabbing the food and avoiding eye contact, ‘Off’s been through some tough times recently’

‘What do you mean?’

‘His wife sadly passed away a few years ago. I think Nirin was barely two years old when she left us’

‘What?’, Gun gasped, feeling like a dick for feeling bitter all of a sudden. That was the last thing he expected to happen.

‘Off’s been raising Nirin by himself with the help of his in laws but with his father’s death and his mother’s health, he’s been having to work over time just to make ends meet’

Off’s father died? And since when did his mother’s health started to deteriorate? It’s only been seven years, these all can’t happen at once, right?

‘Maybe it’s best to visit him soon’, his dad suggested, ‘You might be his pick me up’

‘What do you mean?’

‘Oh come on, Off was head over heels for you. Even we knew that’, his dad chuckled whilst he finished his meal, ‘Maybe seeing you might excite him for once. All he’s been doing is working’

‘I don’t think it’s a good idea to see him’, Gun shook his head, ‘Plus, I’m here to lay low, not to have a reunion’

They finished their first family dinner shortly afterwards, Gun retiring back in his old childhood room. He didn’t get the time to look around, but now that he’d finished washing up, he looked around and saw that things hadn’t changed one bit. His posters were still stuck on the walls, posters of 80s movies and his favourite singers growing up as well as his desk which was filled with arcade figures. He smiled to himself as he reached out for a small Transformer figure he won at the arcade with Off after school. It was dusty and the paint was chipped, but it was still in tact after all these years.

* * *

**_Cha Cha Noi; 2013_ **

‘Mild! Betty!’, Gun shouted when he opened his locker and piles of fish flooded out, landing on the floor and even hitting his legs and feet, ‘I’m gonna get you!’, he shouted as he turned to where he saw a pair of laughing girls hiding behind the pillars, their hair tied in a ponytail as they ran across the hall.

‘Woah, what the hell is that?’, Arm scrunched his nose as he looked down on the floor to see the dead fishes, ‘Where did they get that?’

‘At the fish market. Where else do you think?’, Alice snorted, joining in as she walked beside Arm.

‘Come back here!’, Gun shouted, abandoning his locket which stunk of fish as he swung his bag in an attempt to hit one of the twins.

‘Gun, stop! You’re gonna get in trouble!’, Alice shouted, laughing as she left Arm to clean Gun’s locker, running after the shorter and joining him, reaching her hand out in an attempt to pull him back before the Principal comes in and sees them.

‘Off’s gonna kill them’, Arm whispered to himself, shaking his head as he held his breath and picked up the fish, putting it in the trash one by one before the scent travelled to the classroom.

* * *

**_Cha Chai Noi; 2020_ **

‘Gun Atthaphan’s back?’

‘You mean back back? As in his body is here?’

‘What the hell else do you think I mean?’, Mild slapped the back of Arm’s head as she visited his shop early in the morning. Alice was by her desk with her sewing machine, starting the day early and mending clothes.

‘Oh, I looked at some articles last night. Some of the trending ones were about him’, Alice pointed out, ‘Something about him rejecting his boyfriend’s proposal’

‘How is that even news?’, Arm snorted as he jumped on the table, sitting down and crossing his leg, ‘People reject proposals all the time, it’s not groundbreaking’

‘It’s only groundbreaking because it’s Gun’, Mild pointed out, ‘The whole country’s obsessed with him’

‘Really? I wouldn’t have known’, Arm shrugged.

‘That’s because you don’t keep up with the trends’, Alice snorted, letting the machine whirl to life, the noise filling up the silence between the old friends.

‘Off saw him’, Mild sighed, ‘I’m worried it might start something’

‘Start what?’

‘You know… _Something’_

‘You’re acting as if Off’s still in high school’, Alice looked up at Mild, ‘Do you honestly think he has the time to be reminiscing about his high school relationship when he’s got a daughter to feed and a mother to take care of?’

‘He might not have the time, but Gun does’, Mild pointed out, ‘He’s here to get away from his scandal right? So he has all the time in the world to cause problems for all of us’

‘Mild, where’s this coming from?’, Arm asked when he realised Mild was overreacting about Gun’s return, ‘Gun was never a troublemaker and when it comes to Off, he’ll do things that’s best for him. You wouldn’t know that because you were too busy hating them back in high school’

‘Oh shut up’, Mild shouted at Arm, ‘I’m only worried for Off’

‘You don’t need to’, Alice reminded her, ‘He’s your brother in law, but he’s not your responsibility’

‘I promised my sister I’d watch over him. I’m not gonna give up just because he’s doing slightly better recently. We’re a team now. Where he goes, I go’

‘For what it’s worth, maybe it’s the perfect time for you to form a friendship with Gun?’

‘Excuse me?’, Mild snorted, ‘Since when did I give interest in wanting to be his friend?’

‘You barely tolerated us either’, Arm reminded her, ‘But when Betty and Off got married, you had no choice but to friends with us and now look at where we are? Stranded in this god forsaken town together’

‘How’s that enlightening?’, Mild scowled at him.

‘What I’m saying is’, Arm jumped off the table, sliding his hands in his pockets and leaning closer to Mild, ‘We’re not that bad right? So what if Gun isn’t that bad either?’

‘Whatever’, Mild shrugged, not wanting to talk about it any further, ‘I’m late for work. I’ll see you guys around’, she left Arm and Alice’s shop, closing the door behind her and leaving the pair to ponder why Gun’s return bothered her the most.

‘To be fair, it should be Off that’s bothered by Gun’s return’, Alice whispered as she continued working on the dress, ‘Off was the one who lost his boyfriend’

‘At least he gained Nirin out of it’, Arm shrugged, not at all invested in his friends’ love life like the rest of them, ‘if Gun hadn’t left he wouldn’t have fallen for Betty’

‘You think?’, Alice stopped her machine as she looked up at her husband.

‘Yeah. Everything happens for a reason’

* * *

Gun drove his park to the town centre, settling to spend his day at the café where he had full bars on his phone, waiting for his manager to update him. After sleeping his worries away, he found himself relaxed at the thought that Off worked on the other side of town. If he tried, he probably wasn’t going to run into Off that often, especially if he only hung around at the café in the afternoon before heading home to wallow in self pity in his room. It was a perfect schedule that he devised in his mind as he played around with his phone, contacting his friends for daily updates in the city.

**_Oile: Tay’s doing a photo shoot right now. He’s a little depressed without you._ **

**_Lee: Sorry for not replying! This shoot is killing me! Your news has died down by the way, especially after Tay released his statement. You might not have to be away from long._ **

**_Rose: Twitter’s insane. Don’t look at the hashtags… It’s for your own good!_ **

**_Tay: Baby, I miss you._ **

Gun read their messages one by one, but he didn’t reply to any of them. He couldn’t get his mind to focus on trying to piece together a sentences. The café smelt so familiar, jasmine mixed with coffee beans. It reminded him of days when he was young and clueless, running around the town centre, whining about how there was nothing to do in such a small town.

_I need to get out of here!_

‘Hello meanie!’

Gun’s daydreaming was interrupted by the soft voice of a little girl who was standing beside his table. He looked down and recognised her face and he couldn’t help but sigh in frustration.

‘What’re you doing here?’, he asked Off’s daughter. He couldn’t remember her name even though he was sure Off mentioned it, but he didn’t care for it. He didn’t care that he was looking straight at Off’s child. It only reminded him of a future he chose not to have.

‘Grandmama’s selling in the market’, she replied to him.

‘Then go to her’, Gun ordered, ‘Like I said, you shouldn’t be speaking to strangers. It’s dangerous’

‘My daddy knows you’, she said.

‘Yeah well… You still need to be careful’, he didn’t know how to speak to a five year old but he knew this wasn’t the way, ‘Why don’t you go to your grandma and play with her?’

‘It’s boring’

‘Then why come here?’

‘Because you’re new’, she smiled, her grin gummy and Gun realised she was missing one of her front teeth, ‘I haven’t seen you before’

‘Your dad needs to teach you better manners’, Gun sighed as he finished his drink, standing up and making his way out of the café.

‘Where are we going?’, she asked as she tailed behind Gun.

‘Going back to the market to drop you off to your grandmother’s’, as soon as Gun said that, he found his ears twitching when he heard a loud shrieking coming from behind him. He turned around, looking down to find the little girl sitting on the floor as she started to cry, whining and kicking her legs.

What the…

‘Hey kid, stop that’, Gun told her off, but his intimidating voice only made her cry more, tears spilling from her eyes, cheeks turning red as she screamed louder, gaining attention as everyone turned to look at her.

‘Nirin?’

‘What’s Nirin doing?’

Gun heard the murmurs of the bystanders and he was reminded that it was a small town and everyone knew everyone.

‘Uh… Can anyone help me?’, Gun turned to the crowd, ‘This kid’s not mine’

‘We know’, someone replied to him, a shadow walking across the cobblestone, passing by the crowd and kneeling down to pick Nirin up, ‘Nirin, are you okay?’

‘I don’t wanna go back! I wanna play with Mr Meanie!’

‘Nirin, you can’t play with him. You don’t know him’

‘But daddy does!’, Gun watched as the girl slowly stopped her from crying, calming her down until her tears had dried up. For a moment, despite the short hair, he recognised her as soon as she started to speak, her voice still soft and friendly.

‘Alice?’, he called out to the tall woman who no longer had long curly hair but short ones cut to her shoulders. She looked different, more so than Off and Mild, ‘Oh wow, you’re still here?’, he didn’t mean to be rude, but he had always remembered Alice sharing the same dream as him – to get into college in the city. He wondered why she would ever come back.

‘Hey Gun’, she turned and smiled at him, ‘I heard you were back in town’

She didn’t screech or ask for his autograph – now that he thought about it – none of the people he passed by or spoke to since he got here every treated him differently. He didn’t hear a flash of a camera directed at him and it felt good.

‘You’ve made quite an impression on Nirin’, Alice pointed, carrying Nirin in her arms, ‘Maybe she feels familiar with you cos she sees you on TV a lot’

‘I’m sure she doesn’t’

‘Oh come on Mr Superstar, let’s not be humble about it’, Alice joked as she walked to stand beside Gun, ‘Why don’t you come over and visit my shop? I’ll show you around’

‘Oh, okay’, Gun nodded, following her as she guided them to the small shop at the edge of the town centre. It was a home owned clothing store filled with Alice’s designs. Gun suddenly remembered her sketches and how good they looked, he was glad that she was putting her talents to good use at least.

‘Oh honey, who’s that?’, Gun heard a deep voice from the storage room as soon as they entered the small shop and that’s when Gun saw another figure walking his way.

‘Arm?’, he called out to him, a small smile forming on his lips when he recognised his old friend, ‘Oh my God, you look great’

‘Oh Gun!’, Arm shouted back, running over to give him a hug, ‘Look at you! You haven’t changed one bit!’

‘Yeah’, Gun smiled, patting his arm as he walked over to the clothing racks, ‘Do you work here too?’

‘I own this store with my wife’, Arm said to him, winking at him as he pointed to Alice who was keeping Nirin preoccupied.

‘You two actually got married?’, Gun gasped, but when he looked down on their hands and saw the golden band around their finger, it made sense.

‘We said we would’, Arm chuckled, ‘And you know I don’t go back on my word’

Within minutes, Gun found himself catching up with the pair, listening to the tales of their wedding and accounts of moving into their own home whilst they set up their own business. It was fun to listen to other people’s story, it reminded him that other things are happening in the world, other things that had nothing to do with him. It felt great for a moment, especially when he realised that despite their different lives, he didn’t find himself acting awkward around his old friends. They still gave each other the same comfort they did when they were young.

‘Alice?’, the door to their shop opened, another person joining them, ‘Is Nirin here?’

‘Yeah’

‘Daddy!’, Nirin jumped out of her chair as soon as she saw Off standing at the front in his work jumpsuit which was stained in dirt.

‘Nirin, you had me running out of my shop in the middle of the day to pick you up’, Off told her off despite hugging her in his arms, ‘Didn’t I tell you to stay with grandma?’

‘But I was bored!’

‘Nirin, kindergarten doesn’t start for another week so you have to spend the day with grandma, okay?’

‘Why can’t I stay with P’Alice and P’Arm?’

‘Because they’re working. Look how busy they are’, he pointed to the couple, ‘Do you wanna bother them?’

‘No’, Nirin pouted, although she stomped her foot on the ground which made Gun chuckle.

‘Nirin’, Off sighed, combing her hair back and pinching her cheeks, ‘It’s just for another week. I promise’

‘Gun can babysit her’

It didn’t come from his mouth, but he swiftly turned to glare at at the person who suggested it, seeing Arm’s playful smirk as he pointed at him.

‘He’s not doing anything’

‘What?’, Gun almost punched Arm, ‘What makes you think I’m not going anything? I’m busy as well’

‘You’re here because of a scandal’, Arm scoffed, ‘I read it in an article. This is your hideout, so you’re not working’

‘How dare you say that’, Gun snorted, even though Arm hit the nail on the head with his assumption but he wasn’t going to give him the satisfaction, ‘I’m not here because of a scandal’

‘Then why are you here?’, Alice asked, which set the awkward tension in motion as he turned to see that Off was watching him, waiting for his reply like everyone else.

‘I mean, can’t I visit my family once in a while? Damn, I’m not that heartless’, Gun rolled his eyes, folding his arm across his chest and leaning against one of the tables, ‘I’m allowed to have a vacation’

‘So it’s a vacation?’, Arm chuckled, ‘So you’re not doing anything at the moment?’

‘You!’, Gun punched him on the stomach, making Arm squirm but he laughed all the more.

‘No, it’s alright’, Off smiled, standing up and holding Nirin’s hands, ‘I’ll find someone else to take care of her. I don’t wanna waste his time’

‘Mr Meanie!’, Nirin shouted at him whilst glaring.

‘This kid’, Gun mumbled under his breath, but the swarm of guilt started to build up inside, bubbling in his stomach when he remembered his mum mentioned about Off’s recent situation. Off had no rights to occupy his mind let alone worry him, but he was in his mind nevertheless.

‘I’ll be off then’, Off nodded to them, opening the door to head out.

‘Wait’, Gun stopped them, closing his eyes and already regretting his decision, ‘Arm’s right. I don’t have much to do, so I can watch over her from time to time’

‘Really?’, Off asked, his eyes widening in shock at Gun’s sudden offer.

‘Yeah, whatever’, Gun shrugged it off but even he knew how absurd his offer was. He’d never taken care of children before and Lord knows he was going to probably die trying to take care of Nirin who had a mischievous grin on her face.

As if getting into a scandal wasn’t bad enough, he volunteered to take care of his ex’s daughter. What was going on with Gun Atthaphan?


	5. Part IV; there’s an ache in you put there by the ache in me

**_Part IV; there’s an ache in you put there by the ache in me_ **

****

**_Bangkok; 2016_ **

Gun felt lonely. He passed by the screaming crowds, taking photos and signing their autographs, but once he got into the car he felt an overwhelming loom of sadness which flooded over him when he realised he was holding his award alone in his car, passing by countless lives. He wanted to share his victory, to smile and laugh as someone congratulated him on his hard work, but no one was by his side.

After his manager dropped him off to his apartment, he placed his award down on his kitchen counter, loosening the tie from his suit as he turned on the music on his phone, blasting it to the highest volume to drown the awful silence.

**_Best Male Actor of 2016; Gun Atthaphan_ **

His name was already engraved on the golden trophy and at one point in his life he would’ve bursted his heart our of pure joy to see his name written in silver, but now he just wanted someone to call his name with a smile.

He was about to get changed when he heard a knock at his door, which confused him since he wasn’t expecting anyone, but he went to the door anyway, checking the intercom to see Tay standing on the other side of the door, still suited and fresh from the award show.

‘Tay?’, he whispered in shock, opening the door, ‘What’re you doing here? I thought you were going to attend the after party?’, he asked.

‘No’, Tay shook his head, smiling down at him, ‘I wanted to spend the rest of the night with you’

‘Why?’, Gun asked, his heart skipping a beat when Tay let himself in his apartment, taking a step forward and closing the door behind him.

‘I wanted to celebrate with you’, Tay said, ‘You did well this year Gun’

_You did well._

That was all he ever wanted to hear all night and his heart grew ten folds as soon as Tay whispered it to him, sending shivers down his spine as he took a step forward, placing his hands on his cheeks, a smile forming on his lips.

‘Thank you’, Gun replied before tiptoeing, placing a soft kiss on his lips.

* * *

Gun woke up in the break of dawn, courtesy to his alarm blaring loudly after he set it the other night.

‘Mhhm, shut up’, Gun threw his phone on the other side of the room, letting it hit the ground as he continued sleeping. He didn’t know why he wanted to wake up early but he knew it was going to be a failed venture when the sound of his alarm stopped and he found himself falling back asleep in no time.

‘Gun? Honey?’, he heard his mum calling out his name, knocking on his door, ‘Are you awake?’

‘Who wakes up at six?’, Gun whined, grabbing a pillow and putting it over his head to block out the noise. He was a damn actor and he’d had filming which started at five o‘clock, but he’ll be damned if he was waking up early in the morning during his exile. He already had to waste his time coming back to his hometown, he didn’t need to waste anymore time by waking up early.

‘Off’s already here honey’

Off?

….

‘Off?!’, he shouted as soon as he heard that name, instantly waking him up as he sat up on his bed, his hair flying everywhere, his face swollen and his shirt falling off his shoulder, ‘Shit!’

He was about to get out of the bed, but the door swung open, forcing him to turn and look at the little girl who was already running up to him like he was some sort of toy.

‘Meanie!’, Nirin shrieked at him, jumping on his bed and holding onto his pillow.

‘Right’, Gun whined as he rubbed his eyes together. He totally forgot he offered to take care of Nirin.

‘Sorry to intrude. Your mum said we could just go in’, Off called out from the door, walking in and seeing him in the morning. Gun wanted the ground to eat him up the moment Off looked down on him. He hadn’t looked in the mirror but he knew he looked like a hot mess.

‘You guys could’ve waited in the living room’, Gun muttered to himself, combing his hair in an attempt to tame it, but he knew it was futile. Off had already seen it.

‘That’s what I said, but your mum insisted in coming up here’, Off chuckled, heading towards the bed and resting his hand on his daughter’s shoulders, ‘This room hasn’t changed one bit’, he commented, ‘You even have the old poster you bought at the fair’, he pointed to which Gun turned around to stare at his _Back to the Future_ poster which was still hung up on the wall, although the corners were tattered and creasing from the blue tak.

‘I guess my parents’ never planned on renovating my room’, Gun commented, getting out of bed and stretching his arms up as he yawned.

‘Oh and by the way, I’ve made a list of times where Nirin needs to eat and a schedule so you two don’t get bored all day’, Off said, pulling out a small bag which consisted of Nirin’s lunch and a small notebook inside, ‘Thanks again for this. I owe you one’

‘It’s a one off’, Gun replied, grabbing the bag and setting it on the desk, ‘I won’t be doing it again’

‘Well, we only need one day for Nirin to miss his grandma’, Off joked. Gun saw his smile and it felt so familiar, it almost made him falter.

‘Daddy! Come look!’, Nirin yelled at Off in the middle of their conversation, making them both turn to watch Nirin holding the teddy bear Gun had been sleeping with since he got arrived.

‘Oh my God, you still have that?’, Off laughed as soon as he recognised the bear, it’s fur tattered and stained, but it still looked the same. He saw Nirin hug it and he couldn’t help but chuckle, kneeling beside the bed and ruffling her hair, ‘She loves it as much as you did’

‘It was there when I got here’, Gun pointed out, coughing as he tried to make a nonchalant excuse.

‘Anyway, I better get going’, Off stood up, ‘Take care of her’

‘Yeah, I’ll try’, Gun murmured, leaning on his drawer as he watched Off give Nirin a kiss on the cheeks before walking back to the door.

‘Thanks again’, Off nodded at him, putting on his beanie as he walked out of his room, stammering down the stairs whilst speaking to Gun’s mum who had been waiting at the end of the stairs. The realisation hits him when the front door slams shut and he’s left alone with Off’s daughter who he couldn’t help but despise.

‘Let’s play!’, Nirin shouted, jumping on his bed and hugging his teddy bear tight – the one Off bought for him.

‘I’m gonna wash up’, Gun said to Nirin as he took a towel from his drawer, ‘Don’t do anything stupid whilst I’m in the shower’, he warned her before he headed out into the hallways and towards the bathroom.

* * *

**_Cha Cha Noi; 2013_ **

Gun spend his lunch inside the classroom since he hated sitting directly under the sun. He leaned back on his chair, his feet on the desk as he read a book, highlighting phrases he fell in love with and doodling on the edges of the page of what he thought the characters looked like. It was his usual habit which was obviously broken with Off’s loud voice breaking into the classroom, calling out his name.

‘Gun! Come out and play with us!’, Off shouted as he threw a football at Gun, but he had underestimated the boy’s reflex as the ball hit his face, making him fall off his chair and land on the ground.

‘Off! What the hell?’, he screamed as he turned to glare at the boy. Despite Off asking him out last week, he still treated Gun like ‘one of the boys’, playing football and making jokes with him. Gun wasn’t expecting a huge dramatic change in their relationship, but he found himself sulking whenever he noticed he didn’t get special treatment from the boy who took his first kiss.

‘Come on, let’s hang out’, Off called out, biting his lip as he tried to suppress his laughter.

‘I’m not one of your friends. You know I hate being under the sun’, Gun said to him as he stood up, hitting Off on the arm, ‘And stop treating me like I’m part of your crew. It’s embarrassing’

‘How so? Am I not allowed to spend time with you?’, Off asked with a smirk, leaning down to look at Gun, ‘Aren’t you my boyfriend now?’

‘You say that but you hit me like I’m one of your friends’, Gun scoffed, throwing the ball back at him, letting it hit his stomach, ‘Do you usually throw footballs at your boyfriend?’

‘Oh come on, I was just joking’, Off chuckled, spinning the ball around his finger, ‘Don’t you wanna spend time with me?’

‘No’, Gun scrunched his nose, sulking like a kid.

‘I knew you were going to be high maintenance’, Off faked a sigh, walking over to his desk where his bag was. Gun watched as he took out something fluffy from inside, turning around and throwing it at him. This time Gun caught it in one hand, looking down to see a teddy bear in his hands, small yet cute with glass eyes and a stitched smile on its face.

‘What’s this?’, he asked, but instead of answering, he felt Off kissing his cheek.

‘Happy one week’, Off smiled at him, making him blush as he looked back down at the bear, ‘Now, are you gonna support your boyfriend? I need you in the field so I can beat the guys’, Off picked up the football again, walking towards the door and waiting for Gun to follow him.

‘Gun, come on, let’s go!’, Off shouted for him and this time he wasted no time as he set the bear down on his desk, letting it rest with his notebooks as he ran after his boyfriend, holding his hand as they headed back to the school field.

* * *

_**Cha Cha Noi; 2020** _

‘I’m bored! I’m bored!’, Gun listened to Nirin whining as the pair sat on the sofa whilst he flicked through the channels. His parents didn’t even have cable so he was stuck with the same four channels and nothing good was on.

‘I forgot how boring it was living in the country’, Gun whined as he turned off the TV. He turned to see Nirin sitting beside him, still hugging the teddy bear she found in his room, her legs swinging in the air.

‘I’m bored!’, she kept on whining, her voice getting louder by the minute. Gun didn’t know how to babysit and if he wanted to, he couldn’t even google it since his family home had shit signal.

Wait!

‘I think I downloaded movies on Netflix!’, Gun stood up in celebration as he raised to his luggage which was still unpacked, pulling out his laptop as he set it on the coffee table.

‘What’s Metflix?’, Nirin asked, mispronouncing the word as she watched Gun turning on his laptop, logging into his Netflix account and looking through the list of movies in his downloaded section. He internally groaned as he scrolled down, noticing that most of the movies won’t be suitable for Nirin to watch.

‘God, what have I been watching?’, Gun whined as he flipped through his movie list, which consisted with a lot of thriller and horror, ‘Do I really have this kind of taste?’, he didn’t even remembering downloading half the movies. He assumed Tay must’ve been using his Netflix account again.

‘Oh, how about this one’, Gun sighed in relief when he saw an animation in his list, ‘Spirited Away. Your daddy used to love this movie’, he pointed to which Nirin chirped at the mention of her dad.

‘Let’s watch!’, she cheered, hugging the bear tightly as Gun set the laptop at the centre of the table, the pair of them sitting on the sofa whilst the movie started.

* * *

‘Nirin’s with Gun? Are you insane?’, Mild shouted at him as soon as she arrived for lunch, setting down the bento boxes she made for Off whilst he finished off on of the cars.

‘What? I don’t want your mum to keep watching over her. She has her shop to run’

‘But why Gun?’

‘Do you see anyone else who’s free?’, Off pointed out whist he wiped the sweat from his neck, resting the towel over his shoulder.

‘The whole town would be happy to take care of her’

‘Mild, kindergarten starts again next week. It’s gonna be fine’

‘You want Gun to take care of her for a whole week?’, Mild screamed, ‘Have you not heard about him?’

‘I trust him’

‘No, you trust the old him’, Mild corrected him, ‘But he’s changed. Have you not read the articles about him? Do you really think he’ll be a good influence to Nirin?’

‘He’s not gonna do anything stupid’, Off chuckled, ruffling Mild’s hair whenever they get into an argument, ‘You’re just being paranoid’

‘I really don’t like him’

‘You said that about me too. Now look where we are’, Off laughed, obviously not taking Mild’s concerns seriously.

‘You’re my brother in law, of course I have to be nice to you’, Mild scrunched her nose, ‘But if you start acting like an idiot then I won’t be afraid to point it out either’

‘Calm down Mild. I’m not doing anything stupid’, Off laughed, sitting down on his stool and cleaning his tools.

‘You still loved him even when you married my sister, didn’t you?’, Mild asked, this time almost making Off drop his tools. Off didn’t turn back to look at her, his eyes just glued on the screwdriver in his hands. Mild had always been so blunt, but he could never get used to it.

‘Is that why you hate him so much?’, Off broke the silence between them, sitting up straight as he closed the clasp on his tool box, stretching his legs out and finally turning to look at his sister in law. She had on a vague expression that he could never read, sitting on top of the table with containers of food his mother in law probably packed for him.

‘Why else would I hate him?’, Mild snorted, ‘My sister always felt second place and he wasn’t even in the picture. Do you know how hurt I was having to see her go through that’

‘Through what?’

‘It’s torture being someone’s second’, Mild commented, ‘It’s more torturous than not being loved at all. She knew you loved her, but not as much as you loved him. Do you have any idea how scared she was at the thought of this day coming? At the thought of Gun coming back and stealing your breath away like what he did yesterday?’

‘Mild, you’re overreacting. I wouldn’t have married Betty if I didn’t love her’, Off explained to what seemed to be the thousandth time to Mild. Even during the morning of his wedding he had to pull Mild to the side before she objected to the wedding, hitting him on the face before storming out. She had every rights to be worried, but Off promised he would let go of the past, for her – for his future, ‘Plus, I have Nirin now. What makes you think Gun’s still my first?’

‘Still…’, Mild whined, ‘Just don’t let him get to you, okay? I don’t want him being part of this family. We worked too damn hard for him to just stroll in and take everything good’

‘You really are the jealous type’, Off laughed, standing up as he took one of the containers of food, stealing a spoon as he dug into his meal, chewing loudly, ‘No wonder you don’t have a boyfriend yet’

‘Shut up Off’

* * *

‘I don’t think that’s a good idea Gun’, his dad looked up from his newspaper as he watched Gun stroll into the kitchen, pouring a tall glass of chocolate milk whilst he held a packet of chips between his teeth.

‘Mhhm?’, he managed to say as he turned and saw his dad.

‘Kids aren’t supposed to eat that much sugar’, his dad lectured him, ‘She might have a sugar high which you really don’t want’

‘Dad, she ate mum’s vegetable salad without puking’, Gun took out the packet of chips from his mouth, setting it down on the table and shaking his head, ‘I think she deserves a treat’

‘I thought you liked your mum’s vegetable salad?’

‘As an adult’, Gun corrected him, ‘But as a kid I used to cry when she set it on the table. I fed most of it to the dog’

‘Don’t tell her that’, his dad started to laugh, ‘You might make her cry’

Gun zipped his lips, smiling at his dad before he took the glasses of chocolate milk back to the living room, with the packet of chips resting on his arm, returning to Nirin who was sitting on the floor, drawing on her sketchbook.

‘Nirin’, Gun called out to her, sitting beside her with his legs crossed as he set the glass down on the floor, ‘Do you like chocolate?’

‘Daddy doesn’t let me eat it’

‘Really?’, Gun asked with wide eyes, ‘So you’ve _never_ had chocolate before?’, he was shocked with Nirin nodded her head. He never imagined Off being such a strict parent but he laughed at the idea of Off lecturing a child about their food intake. He was such a pig during high school, gulping down anything that was edible in one bite.

‘Is it tasty?’, she asked as she held the glass with both her hands.

‘You know what, you can have some if you don’t tell your dad’, Gun smiled at her, ‘It’s a treat from Uncle’

* * *

**_Cha Cha Noi; 2013_ **

‘I don’t understand why you don’t like it. It was amazing’, Off said as he jumped on Gun’s bed, burping as they finished dinner.

‘You eat anything, that’s why’, Gun whined, looking down at his boyfriend who was flipping through his magazines whilst picking his nose. He wanted to high kick Off for being disgusting. In school he was known as a Prince, the good looking boy in Class 4A with his clear skin and perfect smile, but with him he was just any other boy who burped and farted in front of him.

‘You should value your mum’s cooking more often. Who knows when she’ll stop cooking for you’, Off pointed a finger at him, laughing as Gun pushed his hand away, laying on the bed beside him.

‘So, what do you wanna do?’, Gun asked, looking up at the ceiling and seeing the small cracks. He counted them every night and sometimes he noticed a new one. He was embarrassed at first to invite Off to his place, but he was lucky to have a boyfriend that doesn’t care about the cracks in his walls or the old bedsheets on his bed.

‘Wanna watch a movie?’, Off suggested, sitting up and looking down at him with a mischievous smile on his face.

‘If you want. What do you wanna watch?’, Gun asked as he was about to get up, but he was pinned down by Off, leaning on top of him.

‘You’, Off winked, which would’ve made Gun puke in different circumstances, but with Off leaning so close to him, he couldn’t help but bite his lip, his cheeks turning red as he closed his eyes, waiting to feel Off’s lips on his.

‘Open the door boys’, his dad interrupted them before they kissed, Gun immediately pushing Off out of the bed, the poor boy landing on the floor with a loud thud. He sat up, combing his hair down and covering his red cheeks when he turned to see his dad holding the doorknob, glaring at the both of them, ‘Doors are always open in this house, you got it?’, he warned the two of them, to which they had no choice but to nod their head, feeling awkward when he walked away.

‘God, I’m so sorry about him’, Gun whined, tugging at his hair in embarrassment.

‘No worries’, Off laughed, rubbing his leg as he got up, ‘I didn’t know you can kick that hard by the way’, he mentioned, groaning as he limped back on the bed, to which Gun snickered at him, playfully kicking him again before getting up and walking over to his DVD player.

‘Put on Spirited Away’, Off said to him as he grabbed a pillow, hugging it as he leaned against the headboard, ‘I love that movie!’

‘But we’ve watched it last night’, Gun whined.

‘Just put it on!’

‘Fine!’, Gun shouted back, snatching the DVD case and putting on, ‘God, you have no taste. Who watched cartoons nowadays?’

‘This movie is a masterpiece!’, Off shouted at him, ‘And we’ll continue to watch it until you realise it!’

‘Boys! I know I said doors open, but can you keep it down? I’m trying to work!’

* * *

‘I told you it was a bad idea’, Gun’s dad whispered to him as they stood side by side watching Nirin completely lose it, jumping from the sofa to the coffee table, shrieking like a ghost whilst she danced with Gun’s teddy bear.

‘Dad, don’t just stand there’, Gun whined, punching his arm, ‘Help me out’

‘There’s nothing we can do’, he sighed, ‘She’d already lost control. We just need to let her use all her energy until she’s tired and passed out’

‘We have to go through that?’, Gun whined, pointing at Nirin who was still shouting at the top of her lungs, making Gun’s eardrums ache as she continued to jump up and down, dancing to the song playing on Gun’s phone.

‘Like I said son’, his dad laughed, patting his shoulder, ‘I told you so’

‘No, we gotta at least make her stop screaming’, Gun kissed his teeth, walking back to the living room, reaching out for her hand to stop her from dancing, ‘Nirin, why don’t we do something else?’

‘I wanna fly!’, Nirin shrieked, jumping up and down and stepping on his feet in the process, making him whine as he knelt on the ground.

‘Why don’t we go to the park? You can run around all you want there’, Gun suggested, ‘And maybe the trees might block out your screaming’, he murmured under his breath as he took her hand, grabbing the small backpack Off bought for him.

‘Dad! We’re going out!’

‘Good luck Gun’, his dad shouted from his home office, the pair leaving the house and heading over to the lakeside by the edge of town.

* * *

‘Don’t run too far!’, Gun called out to Nirin as soon as they arrived by the lake, Nirin letting go of his hand as soon as she saw the vastness of the lake followed by a meadow of daisies and daffodils. He kept an eye on her as he gave in and sat down on the grass, leaning his arm on his knees whilst he smiled to himself.

It had been a long time since he spent time sitting in an open field – mainly because he couldn’t anymore. He didn’t belong in public places anymore, given the times he was pushed and shoved as crowds formed around him in an attempt to get a picture with him. He always fantasised about the way people started seeing his worth, he thought he was going to feel validated and special – now it was just inconvenient. As he sat down, basking in the sun as he watched Nirin pick out flowers, he started to wonder about the past couple of days. He avoided his hometown like the plague, mainly because he hated living in a small bubble, but he also hated the idea of being in the same place as _him._ It reminded him too much of his younger self, and how stupid and naïve he was for believing he would stay with him.

He counted the years he spent away from this town, followed by Nirin’s age, counting with his fingers.

‘Twenty’, he murmured to himself, figuring out Off’s age when Nirin was born, which was only two years after their break up. With Nirin as a living proof, Gun calculated that Off probably got over him in less than a year whilst he was stumbling through lessons and side jobs due to his broken heart.

‘Nirin, come here’, Gun called out when she seemed to be a bit calmer, picking apart the grass and throwing it up in the air. At the sound of her name, she came running to Gun.

‘What is it?’, she asked, flowers still in her hands as she stood in front of Gun. He wondered if he should ask a child about her late mother, but that was an insensitive move even for him, so he smiled and reached out to comb back her hair instead.

‘Nothing’, he said to her, ‘Do you want me to teach you how to make a daisy chain?’

‘What’s that?’, she asked, to which Gun started tugging flowers out of the ground, showing a curious Nirin as he tied the stems of each flower to each other, creating a necklace to which he put on her. Gun had never been fond of children, but for a day he managed to act like an adult for the first time and take care of someone that wasn’t him. It felt nice, somewhat tiring, but nice.

* * *

Off knocked on the door right after work. He had discarded his jumpsuit and sported shirt and jeans with a cap hiding his greasy hair. He was greeted by Gun’s dad, who smiled fondly at him, patting his back and guiding him to the living room to where he found his daughter passed out on the sofa with a small blanket covering her and Gun sleeping on the floor beside her, his hands resting on the edge of the sofa and holding her hand.

‘My son finally lost his energy because of your daughter’, Gun’s dad joked at him, making Off laugh as he knelt down beside Gun, reaching out to pick up Nirin who didn’t even flinch at being carried all of a sudden. He’d never seen her this tired.

‘What did they do all day?’, Off asked, snickering when he saw Gun scrunching his nose in his sleep. They both look tired and he couldn’t help but feel slightly guilty. He knew Nirin could be a challenge and he should’ve warned Gun beforehand.

‘When you put two kids in the same room, you know they’re gonna tire each other out’, Gun’s dad whispered, the pair walking back to the front. Off had daydreamed all day about talking to Gun when he finished work, wondering what to say to him, but now that he was here, he didn’t wanna wake him up.

‘Tell him thank you’, Off whispered, picking up Nirin’s back and flinging it across his shoulder, ‘He really didn’t have to do this’

‘Don’t worry. And come again tomorrow’

‘Really?’, Off turned to him with round eyes, ‘He said he’ll do this again tomorrow?’

‘No, but I did’, Gun’s dad smiled, ‘It’s been a long time since my son came back and as happy as I am to see him, I know why he’s here. He’s having a tough time in Bangkok and he needs a distraction’

‘I see’, Off nodded as he turned his gaze back to the living room, seeing Gun’s small figure still lying on the floor, ‘Then I guess I’ll see you tomorrow morning’

* * *

**_Cha Chai Noi; 2014_ **

‘Hey, Off!’, he turned around and saw Betty waiting for him at the front of his dad’s shop, waving at him as she opened the door.

‘Hey’, he smiled back at her, grabbing a towel to wipe the sweat off his face before greeting her, ‘How are you?’

‘I’m good’, she replied, lifting up her hand to show her holding a bag of food, ‘I made you lunch’

After graduation, their year group was split in two, one half choosing to leave town and attend college all over the country, whilst the other side chose to stay. All of Off’s friends were too big for this town, so he found himself being left behind as they drove to their new lives. It felt lonely, being in the same place as he always was but with no one beside him anymore. Which was probably why he found solace in Betty, someone who chose to stay behind to help her mother run the family business and farm.

‘Thanks’, Off smiled, sitting on the table and patting the empty space next to him, ‘How’s work?’

‘Tiring’, she admitted as she sat beside him, their shoulders pressed against each other as she handed him a container of homemade food, ‘But my dad’s letting me handle the exports so it’s just a lot of phone calls with supermarkets’

‘Better than here’, Off pointed, to which she laughed, looking around at the garage filled with second hand cars, the smell of gas and metal filling the air. It was still a mystery if Off ever wanted to inherit his dad’s shop or if he had no chose, but when he fell ill and couldn’t tend to it anymore, he knew he had to step up and take in anyway despite what he truly desired.

‘You look good though’, Betty commented, laughing when Off shook his head, the pair digging into their meals talking about nothing.

‘How’s Mild?’, Off asked, ‘How’s college treating her?’

‘She said she was homesick and wants to come back’, Betty said, ‘But I know she’s enjoying her course’

‘That’s good’

‘How about Gun?’, Betty asked all of a sudden, which made Off stop eating, setting his spoon back in the container, ‘Has he reached out to you?’

‘Why would he?’, Off snickered, but there was a hint of sorrow in his voice as he looked down on his lap, ‘I broke up with him’

‘Everyone thought the two of you were going to end up together forever’, Betty joked, reminiscing of their school years, ‘We all thought Gun was gonna drag you to the city with him’

‘Well, my place is here’, Off replied to her, ‘And he knew that’

‘I’m glad it is’

‘About what?’

‘Your place. I’m glad it’s here’, Betty confessed as she wiped the side of her mouth, finally taking the courage to turn and look up at Off. They were never close during close, they belonged in different groups, so it was a wonder how they got along, but the day her dad forced her to drive the old pick up truck to his shop to get it fixed, they found value in each other. It didn’t take long before they started to hang out, waiting for each other after work, buying each other meals and speaking to each other over the phone before they went to bed.

‘Me too’, Off whispered, smiling back at her. It was quiet, they could only hear the crickets chirping outside when Off leaned in and place a soft kiss on her lips. It only lasted a second, but it was enough to shift the mood in the room as Betty blushed, smiling back at him.

Off awkwardly coughed, getting off the table and placing the half finished food to the side whilst he tried to look busy. Betty couldn’t help but laugh, shaking her head and covering her red cheeks as she watched Off taking out his tools and begin working again. Now she knew why Gun fell for him.


End file.
